relationships

So... two of my good friends and one acquaintance left for Japan today.... it was pretty sad.. not completely heart wrenching but just -sigh- kind of stuff.
I've been thinking a lot of about relationships lately... for obvious reasons I suppose. I find that as I get older, I start valuing my relationships more... be it friends, lovers, family... whatever.
I'm not sure what I'm trying to get at here... but I think for some reason, I am quick to decide which friendships are indispensible and which are disposable...
Maybe I recognize which are going to be lasting and worth my time and which are completely ephemeral and something to be enjoyed for the moment but ultimately fruitless.

I just can't be bothered to put 100 percent into every interaction I have with humanity.

This past week has been a rollercoaster.. a complete upheaval of my life .. good in some ways.. completely unnerving in others.

In the past week or so, I've reconnected with some dear friends... which makes me completely happy. I love nostalgia... reminiscing is a good way to keep track of yourself. Make adjustments. Drive on. Ultimately becoming a better person as a result. (what does that mean anyhow? better person?)
More importantly, I've met some incredible people who are going to shape my experiences in Korea more than they can imagine.

I'm really grateful there are people out there in the world that I didn't know existed that I will eventually meet that will reshape my opinion of humanity and think that there is hope for it after all.

Quite unexpectedly, I have become quite taken with someone who has completely altered my vision of the future and my expectations of what I want to do and what I will end up doing. I was quite content with my day to day life and just when I thought things couldn't get any better, I have this amazing whirling dervish of a personality enter my world and turn it upside down... not necessarily a bad thing mind you. I find myself wanting to share everything with her though. Once again, not necessarily a bad thing.

I had such a bittersweet day... there was an air of melancholy at the airport where we stood around taking pictures and reminiscing about the past year wondering when we would all see each other next.. making plans for reuniting in the future.. '10 years from now, at the station, 4 o'clock. be there' sort of thing. imaginary kids being toted along.. quite sweet and endearing visions of what will come. Ji-hoon said later as we watched Chizuru and Tomoko enter the secure area before boarding that this is why he hated airports... because of all the farewells and sorrow of partings. I echo those sentiments... at the same time, airports are avenues of reuniting people too... if people leave, people also arrive. Definitely not a one way street there. I'm sure the airlines appreciate that fact, otherwise they'd have a hard time making any money. :D

Anyhow... I realized last night that Beth was becoming an integral part of my life... first person I think about when I wake up... the last before I go to bed. And in between, if anything happens good or bad, I want to share it with her. I had such a great dinner with Akira and Seung Jin... and I texted her ... just to be like check this out, isn't this great? Dinner and drinks were my way of drowning our sorrows, with the celebration of friends who still remained. It was such a blast. Seung Jin had never had a steak before.. and didn't know how to eat with a fork and knife... I literally had to show him how to cut it up... otherwise I think he would have ended up starving. The steak completely blew him away and he ended up waddling around like the stay-puff marshmellow man after consuming EVERY LAST BIT of a 20 oz T-bone. Good gravy.

We went to a couple of bars later.. ending up down in Helios which was packed... but the music was actually pretty decent and the energy was incredible. We eventually got sat at this table which turned out to be occupied, the occupants had wandered to the dance floor and just got back to find all their drinks removed by the waitstaff. Being good sports, we vacated the table and moved to the non smoking section, a few moments later, one of the girls came over to bring us a couple of mugs of beer as an apology/thanks for being gentlemen. In turn, I bought them a couple of rum and cokes for being so polite. All in all it was a great time. We had a lot of kanpais and geumbaes and made up for an otherwise sombering day. As we were leaving, a great song was playing on the speakers... You are always on my mind, Elvis version. I called Beth hoping to sing a few bars to her... sappy. cheesy. yeah yeah yeah.

Unfortunately, I didn't get through.. she texted me later wondering if anything was wrong.. but of course I didn't hear my phone. Oh well. Hopefully she had a great time with her friends on her last night out before she leaves for Chicago.

I really wonder what's going to end up happening with us. It's definitely the one that that remains constant throughout my day. It's somewhat overwhelming... I have no doubt that things will turn out the way they're supposed to be... not necessarily the way I want but that's life. In the end, I am grateful for having met her in the first place and will treasure each waking moment that I've had being with her, talking or writing... This is the first time in a long time that anyone has awakened that part of me which results in wanting to write. If everything was ho hum and boring.. I really don't have anything to write about. But she evokes such incredible feelings in me. I feel alive and complete. Being without her is like slowly suffocating. I wonder what she will decide. Me, someone else, nobody... I've been aching to talk to her all day... going nuts because I want to write and tell her how I'm feeling .. what I'm feeling.. how I feel about her. All my thoughts and emotions are tied up with her... Is this healthy? Is it reasonable? Probably not.. but that's what happens when you encounter the most amazing woman in the world. She'll probably shake her head and laugh when she reads this.. I know, I'm a corndog. But regardless, it's all true. Being corny doesn't diminish the truth of the matter.

Now if I can only find something to do to occupy my time until she gets back. I don't know if I said it before here, but these 14 days have not been a cakewalk. 4 down, 10 to go.

more to follow.

insanity reigns supreme.

I woke up this morning at about 6... ..a whole hour before my alarm goes off. I did the whole morning ritual, stretch, yawn, grab a cigarette and just blinked for a long while.
The first thing I did was grab my cell phone and check for messages...
dunno why.. nobody called or wrote. (I hate you all)
Anyhow, as of late, I've been obsessing over this girl.. in a good way, not some Glenn Close Fatal Attractionesque way. It's starting to border on unhealthy though. I can't think straight.. although it's gotten better today. Yesterday was completely unnerving. I didn't eat all day.. was too busy obsessing and moping. It's like my whole world went topsy turvy.
Not sure if there's a better description than that.

I wish you could all meet this girl, she's amazing. Completely amazing.

hmm. hopefully she won't mind if i put a snippet about her here...

She is....
insanely fun, beautiful, smart, sexy, sweet, witty, clever, understanding, sarcastic, literate, hip.. so tragically hip.. gorgeous, goofy, real. completely real. all of this and so much more.
everything i've ever wanted in someone and then some.

and yet she hasn't decided if i can keep her yet.
:/
guess it'll just take a bit more time.

12 days and counting...

doh

so..
i went out with Beth last night.
what fun. i swear this was one of the best christmases ever.
i completely <3 her.
I'm not even sure where to begin.. it was completely amazing though.
There is definitely something afoot at the Circle K.


more to follow...

world on fire

So, another week passes in Seoul... and I find myself possibly maybe sorta kinda dating someone. Completely unforeseen. I'm clueless how this happened... but I think I sort of like it.
I guess it all started innocently enough. Emails back and forth.. that progressed to the occasional phone call, but I think it was the IMs that did it. I freaking love talking to this girl. She is clever and brilliant and funny and sarcastic and witty and well. She rocks my socks.
Sure, my socks are somewhat smelly, so it's probably a good thing she rocks them. I'll be sure to shower more than once a week now. I think I wrote about her briefly before. Not sure... nothing in detail, but she was one of the people I wrote about that I had a great time conversing with. Repeatedly. Daily. Multiple times. I so need to buy a computer. Maybe this next paycheck. Either that or when I get my taxes back. I probably won't get much of a refund tho.
:(

I feel good. Strange, but good. I'm pleasantly surprised. This has the makings of a great year. :D

Before I get too tangential.. you have to understand.. this girl is completely amazing. I don't think I've ever found someone who completely 'got it' before. Books, music, movies... everything. It's not so much she likes the same kind of stuff, she likes the SAME stuff. While that isn't absolutely critical in my list of things I like about girls, this makes her infinitely cooler than some pretty faced vacuum filled pin up doll. And as I've told her, she's easy on the eyes. Who knows. This almost seems too good to be true. Like Tia said, she might be a serial killer... who knows. She's already professed to ninja like stealthiness and skills.
Imma gonna have to be on my toes.

:D :D :D

random

ever wonder how sometimes you'll meet people and have absolutely nothing to say to them?
and other times, you meet someone... and end up spending hours talking about absolutely everything?
that's happened twice this week.
fortuitous right?
just when I was lamenting the lack of people to hang out with. Within a week of being in Seoul, I've met TWO! count them, TWO! people who I can totally hang out with.
Life is funny.
The stones are right, can't always get what you want... but ... you get what you need.
conversation is food for the soul.
and i'm feeling nourished tonight.

cool beans

so, i have to say i'm a net geek right?
well check out my myspace :(
i'm so geeked out it's not funny..
.....

yeah in the interest of anonymity just ask me if you really want to know this stuff.

ugh!
shoot me now

it's the end of the world as we know it...

....and I feel fine.
really.
I'm on day I don't know of my vacation. I just know it ends in a few short days. Two days to be exact. I have to show up to work on friday I guess :(
The worst part is, this vacation was supposed to be a nice stress free break from all the crap I usually have to deal with.
Instead, it just reverted to different crap.
Crap of a different nature.
Fought with the folks. I don't know why they insist on it. I just tend to look at things nonchallantly and well... they don't.
So we're not on speaking terms any longer.
In fact, I think I've been disowned.
Don't write. Don't call. Don't ask for anything.
How rich is that.
Drama straight out of a soap opera.
Anyhow, I miss my family. I guess they never understood that sometimes just being around is enough. Maybe I'll call them next year.
Last time this happened. I didn't talk to my mom and dad for almost two years.
Oh well.
more to follow....