relationships

So... two of my good friends and one acquaintance left for Japan today.... it was pretty sad.. not completely heart wrenching but just -sigh- kind of stuff.
I've been thinking a lot of about relationships lately... for obvious reasons I suppose. I find that as I get older, I start valuing my relationships more... be it friends, lovers, family... whatever.
I'm not sure what I'm trying to get at here... but I think for some reason, I am quick to decide which friendships are indispensible and which are disposable...
Maybe I recognize which are going to be lasting and worth my time and which are completely ephemeral and something to be enjoyed for the moment but ultimately fruitless.

I just can't be bothered to put 100 percent into every interaction I have with humanity.

This past week has been a rollercoaster.. a complete upheaval of my life .. good in some ways.. completely unnerving in others.

In the past week or so, I've reconnected with some dear friends... which makes me completely happy. I love nostalgia... reminiscing is a good way to keep track of yourself. Make adjustments. Drive on. Ultimately becoming a better person as a result. (what does that mean anyhow? better person?)
More importantly, I've met some incredible people who are going to shape my experiences in Korea more than they can imagine.

I'm really grateful there are people out there in the world that I didn't know existed that I will eventually meet that will reshape my opinion of humanity and think that there is hope for it after all.

Quite unexpectedly, I have become quite taken with someone who has completely altered my vision of the future and my expectations of what I want to do and what I will end up doing. I was quite content with my day to day life and just when I thought things couldn't get any better, I have this amazing whirling dervish of a personality enter my world and turn it upside down... not necessarily a bad thing mind you. I find myself wanting to share everything with her though. Once again, not necessarily a bad thing.

I had such a bittersweet day... there was an air of melancholy at the airport where we stood around taking pictures and reminiscing about the past year wondering when we would all see each other next.. making plans for reuniting in the future.. '10 years from now, at the station, 4 o'clock. be there' sort of thing. imaginary kids being toted along.. quite sweet and endearing visions of what will come. Ji-hoon said later as we watched Chizuru and Tomoko enter the secure area before boarding that this is why he hated airports... because of all the farewells and sorrow of partings. I echo those sentiments... at the same time, airports are avenues of reuniting people too... if people leave, people also arrive. Definitely not a one way street there. I'm sure the airlines appreciate that fact, otherwise they'd have a hard time making any money. :D

Anyhow... I realized last night that Beth was becoming an integral part of my life... first person I think about when I wake up... the last before I go to bed. And in between, if anything happens good or bad, I want to share it with her. I had such a great dinner with Akira and Seung Jin... and I texted her ... just to be like check this out, isn't this great? Dinner and drinks were my way of drowning our sorrows, with the celebration of friends who still remained. It was such a blast. Seung Jin had never had a steak before.. and didn't know how to eat with a fork and knife... I literally had to show him how to cut it up... otherwise I think he would have ended up starving. The steak completely blew him away and he ended up waddling around like the stay-puff marshmellow man after consuming EVERY LAST BIT of a 20 oz T-bone. Good gravy.

We went to a couple of bars later.. ending up down in Helios which was packed... but the music was actually pretty decent and the energy was incredible. We eventually got sat at this table which turned out to be occupied, the occupants had wandered to the dance floor and just got back to find all their drinks removed by the waitstaff. Being good sports, we vacated the table and moved to the non smoking section, a few moments later, one of the girls came over to bring us a couple of mugs of beer as an apology/thanks for being gentlemen. In turn, I bought them a couple of rum and cokes for being so polite. All in all it was a great time. We had a lot of kanpais and geumbaes and made up for an otherwise sombering day. As we were leaving, a great song was playing on the speakers... You are always on my mind, Elvis version. I called Beth hoping to sing a few bars to her... sappy. cheesy. yeah yeah yeah.

Unfortunately, I didn't get through.. she texted me later wondering if anything was wrong.. but of course I didn't hear my phone. Oh well. Hopefully she had a great time with her friends on her last night out before she leaves for Chicago.

I really wonder what's going to end up happening with us. It's definitely the one that that remains constant throughout my day. It's somewhat overwhelming... I have no doubt that things will turn out the way they're supposed to be... not necessarily the way I want but that's life. In the end, I am grateful for having met her in the first place and will treasure each waking moment that I've had being with her, talking or writing... This is the first time in a long time that anyone has awakened that part of me which results in wanting to write. If everything was ho hum and boring.. I really don't have anything to write about. But she evokes such incredible feelings in me. I feel alive and complete. Being without her is like slowly suffocating. I wonder what she will decide. Me, someone else, nobody... I've been aching to talk to her all day... going nuts because I want to write and tell her how I'm feeling .. what I'm feeling.. how I feel about her. All my thoughts and emotions are tied up with her... Is this healthy? Is it reasonable? Probably not.. but that's what happens when you encounter the most amazing woman in the world. She'll probably shake her head and laugh when she reads this.. I know, I'm a corndog. But regardless, it's all true. Being corny doesn't diminish the truth of the matter.

Now if I can only find something to do to occupy my time until she gets back. I don't know if I said it before here, but these 14 days have not been a cakewalk. 4 down, 10 to go.

more to follow.