relationships

So... two of my good friends and one acquaintance left for Japan today.... it was pretty sad.. not completely heart wrenching but just -sigh- kind of stuff.
I've been thinking a lot of about relationships lately... for obvious reasons I suppose. I find that as I get older, I start valuing my relationships more... be it friends, lovers, family... whatever.
I'm not sure what I'm trying to get at here... but I think for some reason, I am quick to decide which friendships are indispensible and which are disposable...
Maybe I recognize which are going to be lasting and worth my time and which are completely ephemeral and something to be enjoyed for the moment but ultimately fruitless.

I just can't be bothered to put 100 percent into every interaction I have with humanity.

This past week has been a rollercoaster.. a complete upheaval of my life .. good in some ways.. completely unnerving in others.

In the past week or so, I've reconnected with some dear friends... which makes me completely happy. I love nostalgia... reminiscing is a good way to keep track of yourself. Make adjustments. Drive on. Ultimately becoming a better person as a result. (what does that mean anyhow? better person?)
More importantly, I've met some incredible people who are going to shape my experiences in Korea more than they can imagine.

I'm really grateful there are people out there in the world that I didn't know existed that I will eventually meet that will reshape my opinion of humanity and think that there is hope for it after all.

Quite unexpectedly, I have become quite taken with someone who has completely altered my vision of the future and my expectations of what I want to do and what I will end up doing. I was quite content with my day to day life and just when I thought things couldn't get any better, I have this amazing whirling dervish of a personality enter my world and turn it upside down... not necessarily a bad thing mind you. I find myself wanting to share everything with her though. Once again, not necessarily a bad thing.

I had such a bittersweet day... there was an air of melancholy at the airport where we stood around taking pictures and reminiscing about the past year wondering when we would all see each other next.. making plans for reuniting in the future.. '10 years from now, at the station, 4 o'clock. be there' sort of thing. imaginary kids being toted along.. quite sweet and endearing visions of what will come. Ji-hoon said later as we watched Chizuru and Tomoko enter the secure area before boarding that this is why he hated airports... because of all the farewells and sorrow of partings. I echo those sentiments... at the same time, airports are avenues of reuniting people too... if people leave, people also arrive. Definitely not a one way street there. I'm sure the airlines appreciate that fact, otherwise they'd have a hard time making any money. :D

Anyhow... I realized last night that Beth was becoming an integral part of my life... first person I think about when I wake up... the last before I go to bed. And in between, if anything happens good or bad, I want to share it with her. I had such a great dinner with Akira and Seung Jin... and I texted her ... just to be like check this out, isn't this great? Dinner and drinks were my way of drowning our sorrows, with the celebration of friends who still remained. It was such a blast. Seung Jin had never had a steak before.. and didn't know how to eat with a fork and knife... I literally had to show him how to cut it up... otherwise I think he would have ended up starving. The steak completely blew him away and he ended up waddling around like the stay-puff marshmellow man after consuming EVERY LAST BIT of a 20 oz T-bone. Good gravy.

We went to a couple of bars later.. ending up down in Helios which was packed... but the music was actually pretty decent and the energy was incredible. We eventually got sat at this table which turned out to be occupied, the occupants had wandered to the dance floor and just got back to find all their drinks removed by the waitstaff. Being good sports, we vacated the table and moved to the non smoking section, a few moments later, one of the girls came over to bring us a couple of mugs of beer as an apology/thanks for being gentlemen. In turn, I bought them a couple of rum and cokes for being so polite. All in all it was a great time. We had a lot of kanpais and geumbaes and made up for an otherwise sombering day. As we were leaving, a great song was playing on the speakers... You are always on my mind, Elvis version. I called Beth hoping to sing a few bars to her... sappy. cheesy. yeah yeah yeah.

Unfortunately, I didn't get through.. she texted me later wondering if anything was wrong.. but of course I didn't hear my phone. Oh well. Hopefully she had a great time with her friends on her last night out before she leaves for Chicago.

I really wonder what's going to end up happening with us. It's definitely the one that that remains constant throughout my day. It's somewhat overwhelming... I have no doubt that things will turn out the way they're supposed to be... not necessarily the way I want but that's life. In the end, I am grateful for having met her in the first place and will treasure each waking moment that I've had being with her, talking or writing... This is the first time in a long time that anyone has awakened that part of me which results in wanting to write. If everything was ho hum and boring.. I really don't have anything to write about. But she evokes such incredible feelings in me. I feel alive and complete. Being without her is like slowly suffocating. I wonder what she will decide. Me, someone else, nobody... I've been aching to talk to her all day... going nuts because I want to write and tell her how I'm feeling .. what I'm feeling.. how I feel about her. All my thoughts and emotions are tied up with her... Is this healthy? Is it reasonable? Probably not.. but that's what happens when you encounter the most amazing woman in the world. She'll probably shake her head and laugh when she reads this.. I know, I'm a corndog. But regardless, it's all true. Being corny doesn't diminish the truth of the matter.

Now if I can only find something to do to occupy my time until she gets back. I don't know if I said it before here, but these 14 days have not been a cakewalk. 4 down, 10 to go.

more to follow.

insanity reigns supreme.

I woke up this morning at about 6... ..a whole hour before my alarm goes off. I did the whole morning ritual, stretch, yawn, grab a cigarette and just blinked for a long while.
The first thing I did was grab my cell phone and check for messages...
dunno why.. nobody called or wrote. (I hate you all)
Anyhow, as of late, I've been obsessing over this girl.. in a good way, not some Glenn Close Fatal Attractionesque way. It's starting to border on unhealthy though. I can't think straight.. although it's gotten better today. Yesterday was completely unnerving. I didn't eat all day.. was too busy obsessing and moping. It's like my whole world went topsy turvy.
Not sure if there's a better description than that.

I wish you could all meet this girl, she's amazing. Completely amazing.

hmm. hopefully she won't mind if i put a snippet about her here...

She is....
insanely fun, beautiful, smart, sexy, sweet, witty, clever, understanding, sarcastic, literate, hip.. so tragically hip.. gorgeous, goofy, real. completely real. all of this and so much more.
everything i've ever wanted in someone and then some.

and yet she hasn't decided if i can keep her yet.
:/
guess it'll just take a bit more time.

12 days and counting...

doh

so..
i went out with Beth last night.
what fun. i swear this was one of the best christmases ever.
i completely <3 her.
I'm not even sure where to begin.. it was completely amazing though.
There is definitely something afoot at the Circle K.


more to follow...

world on fire

So, another week passes in Seoul... and I find myself possibly maybe sorta kinda dating someone. Completely unforeseen. I'm clueless how this happened... but I think I sort of like it.
I guess it all started innocently enough. Emails back and forth.. that progressed to the occasional phone call, but I think it was the IMs that did it. I freaking love talking to this girl. She is clever and brilliant and funny and sarcastic and witty and well. She rocks my socks.
Sure, my socks are somewhat smelly, so it's probably a good thing she rocks them. I'll be sure to shower more than once a week now. I think I wrote about her briefly before. Not sure... nothing in detail, but she was one of the people I wrote about that I had a great time conversing with. Repeatedly. Daily. Multiple times. I so need to buy a computer. Maybe this next paycheck. Either that or when I get my taxes back. I probably won't get much of a refund tho.
:(

I feel good. Strange, but good. I'm pleasantly surprised. This has the makings of a great year. :D

Before I get too tangential.. you have to understand.. this girl is completely amazing. I don't think I've ever found someone who completely 'got it' before. Books, music, movies... everything. It's not so much she likes the same kind of stuff, she likes the SAME stuff. While that isn't absolutely critical in my list of things I like about girls, this makes her infinitely cooler than some pretty faced vacuum filled pin up doll. And as I've told her, she's easy on the eyes. Who knows. This almost seems too good to be true. Like Tia said, she might be a serial killer... who knows. She's already professed to ninja like stealthiness and skills.
Imma gonna have to be on my toes.

:D :D :D

random

ever wonder how sometimes you'll meet people and have absolutely nothing to say to them?
and other times, you meet someone... and end up spending hours talking about absolutely everything?
that's happened twice this week.
fortuitous right?
just when I was lamenting the lack of people to hang out with. Within a week of being in Seoul, I've met TWO! count them, TWO! people who I can totally hang out with.
Life is funny.
The stones are right, can't always get what you want... but ... you get what you need.
conversation is food for the soul.
and i'm feeling nourished tonight.

cool beans

so, i have to say i'm a net geek right?
well check out my myspace :(
i'm so geeked out it's not funny..
.....

yeah in the interest of anonymity just ask me if you really want to know this stuff.

ugh!
shoot me now

it's the end of the world as we know it...

....and I feel fine.
really.
I'm on day I don't know of my vacation. I just know it ends in a few short days. Two days to be exact. I have to show up to work on friday I guess :(
The worst part is, this vacation was supposed to be a nice stress free break from all the crap I usually have to deal with.
Instead, it just reverted to different crap.
Crap of a different nature.
Fought with the folks. I don't know why they insist on it. I just tend to look at things nonchallantly and well... they don't.
So we're not on speaking terms any longer.
In fact, I think I've been disowned.
Don't write. Don't call. Don't ask for anything.
How rich is that.
Drama straight out of a soap opera.
Anyhow, I miss my family. I guess they never understood that sometimes just being around is enough. Maybe I'll call them next year.
Last time this happened. I didn't talk to my mom and dad for almost two years.
Oh well.
more to follow....

down with it

I've been putzing around here and there.. really not doing much of anything except playing magic online.

http://www.wizards.com

go there and click on magic: the gathering

if you've played it before, it's so much more addictive online than it is in real life.
there's always people playing around the world.

It's almost as fun as axis and allies...
which I meant to bring to the parent's house... but instead i shipped it with my household goods x(

anyhow.

I am trying out the whole cyworld thing... not sure if it's all that great. but hey. all the koreans are doin it!
so seeing as how I'm Koreanish I thought I'd do it to.

http://cyworld.com/ki_ster

check it out. say hi.

more to follow...

saturday night in seoul

you'd think that after two years in korea I'd have something better to do than write up a weblog post in a pc cafe.
nope.
I suppose i'd have more fun going out and getting drunk or something, but honestly, i have just as much fun mucking around on the net.
it's a lot cheaper too.
but seriously.
besides, i lost my atm card today.
actually, i didn't quite lose it so much as leave it in the ATM machine. I'm going to pay for that when the time comes. i guess it's back to writing checks at the bank.
the thing that sucks is that i'm leaving on monday. flying out of inchon.
tell me how I'm supposed to write checks when i don't even have a drivers license, since i lost that too :x
i swear, i don't ever lose my wallet, but i sure do have an amazing capacity for losing everything INSIDE it.
grrrr.
oh well. i'll figure out something to do.
:D
more to follow.

woowoowoowooowoo

heh.
So..... I'm almost out of here.
This abysmal miasma of ptooey... all that is evil about the army is here.
and finally, after almost two years... I am nearly free.
Of course, I'm moving just a mere 20 clicks south to Seoul, but HEY! It's the land of milk and honey for me.
I am not sure how to impress upon you all what a relief this is.
Imagine. Being trapped in Junior High After School Detention for two years... not able to go anywhere by yourself, curfew every night, no room to breath, no place for solitude or privacy. Multiply that by a gazillion and that's 2 ID.
I'm pretty much done clearing... only thing left is showing my ID card and dog tags to the 1SG and turning in my room key. After that, I am OUTTA HERE.
-Calvin and Hobbes dance-
Hopefully, I will get my own machine once I am down in Seoul and I'll be able to log more often. Of course, by that time I'll be happier and have nothing to gripe about. How boring is that?
:D
more to follow...

working it

I'm going to try and write more frequently... but seriously. it really is hard when you don't have a personal computer and your own net connection. I must have fallen on dark times. I remember a time when I would bite my arm off if I couldn't get on the net. Back in the day.
I am a computerphile with no computer.
It's like being a football fan without access to a TV.
woe is me.
I decided today that karma is a bitch.
I can't really expound on it, but I wonder at times exactly what possesses people to do the things they do. Not only that, but how it is certain people can do whatever the heck they want regardless of the consequences and get away with it, while others do the right thing 9 times out of 10 and get hammered after straying just the once. Or rather when being caught. It's the age old thing of 'why do bad things happen to good people' or 'how come assholes get the nice girls' or 'why am I stuck in this cesspool of mediocrity instead of succeeding in life'
Sometimes it just feels like the shit hits the fan more frequently for me than it should. I think I need some scotch guarding or some teflon coating.
In the mean time, I shall persevere with the forebearance of my friend(s) and keep on trucking (or something)
Life's a garden, dig it.
nyuk nyuk.

I'll have to take some time out to tell you about my friend Big D. I would call him by his name, but he saw it earlier and was sorta preturbed that our shenanigans are being recounted here and thus traceable to him. Albeit not much of our shenanigans are really detrimental to life, limb or reputation. Anyhow. D is awesome. I can't count the number of times I was just wallowing in self pity or some derivation of the blues, where he would just look at me, make a cry baby noise and basically tell me to stfu and get over it, without ever saying those words. Gonna miss the big lug when I leave here. Of course I'll probably reduce my alcohol intake once we stop hanging out every day. muahaha.
Friends, can never have too many good ones. If it came down to it, could you honestly take a bullet for your friends? I think I would for D. Really can't say that for too many of them.

Perspective is an interesting beast. I find myself learning little bits here and there that my perspective isn't the end all be all of everything. It's like finding out Santa doesn't really come on christmas. Money doesn't grow on trees. TV isn't real. etc. I should have known this the whole time, but come on... if you don't believe you're right.. then what do you honestly believe in?
At least I know I'm right most of the time. or at the least, I won't open my mouth unless I know I'm right. ... and I open my mouth a lot :D

Geesh, I'm full of it.
Anyhow.
enough for now.
Hello World, how are you today?

ugh

Last night was one of those nights where you vow to never again allow yourself to taste a drop of alcohol.
I imbibed too much.
Honestly, I don't even quite remember HOW much I drank. I just know I drank too much. There was no vomiting involved, but geesh. I swear I should have been passed out on the ground. I spent way too much money too.
What is the deal here? I wonder if I should just limit myself to Ice Tea and Coke.
Big D got a lot tipsy too. Heh.
Met two really cool girls last night. Randomly of course. It was one of those typical boy meets girl, boy buys girl drinks, boy and girl go out doing goofy korean things like kicking the soccer ball machine and punching bag, boy and girl go do karaoke, boy sends girl home in cab, boy wonders why he let girl go home. bleh.
girl makes boy promise to call her. what the feh.
I have too much stuff to do... so instead I go out wasting money and having a grand ol time.
figures.
more to follow.

lack of inspiration != rockage

i'm tired today.
wondering how sometimes you can be exhausted and wired and bouncing off the walls...
and other times it's just completely draining.
i'm uninspired as well.
not sure i really want to write about anything today.
i wish i was on leave right now.

Something strange lurks ahead.

So.
Last night I went out for a bit to vent my frustrations at the impending political mess in our office that's essentially taking one of the coolest captains ever out of our section into a different staff slot. Completely incomprehensible.

It's a big ol mess.

Anyhow, I got home and started randomly calling people. Since I'm in Korea, at 2 am I figured someone in Texas might be awake (hehe). Well, I ended up calling my buddy Jason, but his wife Elaina picked up the phone. Which is cool cause she's fun to talk to. I call her the frump queen. I offered to buy her a new bathrobe to replace the hideous maroon/lavender I got her like 6 years ago for Christmas (or was it her birthday?). Alas, they have matching new ones now.
I will have to sort out all the stuff floating around in my head and write it down later. Too frazzled right now.
Plus I have to hit the latrine. :D

bah

Why oh why must my first comment be from a spammer?
Hardly the auspicious beginning I'd imagined.

~

I suppose this could just go in the commentary portion.
Hmm.

Oh, Soapbox time.

SPAMMERS MUST DIE.
Bandwidth sucking, server crashing, inbox polluting losers.
I hate spammers. I don't care if I could get a hundred dollar coupon to Starbucks, a bigger 'member' or a brand new laptop from Dell. I do mind getting finger cramps from deleting spam mails. Grr.

So. With many hours looming ahead, I wondered if starting a blog would stave off boredom and otherwise occupy me. Blogs are funny beasts. There's a plethora of them these days. I always wondered how it is that people would run across a blog in the first place. The ironic thing is a lot of blogs are turning into these semi-pretentious mutual appreciation societies.. all linking to each other, patting each other on the back for clever turns of phrase or pedantic observations of one sort or another. Speaking of which, I wonder who will link to me and tell me I'm right on.
-snicker-

So, when did the net get turned into a 'Real World'esque reality netvee crapvehicle? It's bad enough that TV got turned into an abysmal mess of trash with nothing to offer except an avoidance mechanism for real life... but the net is turning into this pop culture black hole devoid of any real substance...
...this blog is probably no exception.

I suppose the net has always been an escape. Games, chatting and websites galore of useless crap. But it seems like with the advent of AOL and its ilk, the average user of today is an ignorant tard compared to the user of 1993 when the net was mostly the demesne of collegiate nerd types hellbent on exploring this newfound information shmorgasborg. God I miss those days.

It seems there are three main type of blogs.
1) Vanity blogs. Self indulgent, my life sucks, blah blah blah crap. completely useless, but sometimes amusing. Internet diaries.
2) Political blogs. These are more interesting at times but oft annoying due to the 'I'm right, you're full of shit ' modus operandi so prevalent with internet politicos. It's so easy to hide behind a keyboard.... -snicker-
3) Theme blogs. Exactly like it sounds. I don't think I need to explain this one.

I was trying to sort out in my mind exactly what kind of blog mine was going to end up being. Then I realized, I'd probably annoy myself reading over all the self important blathering I was posting here. So. No agenda.
Just pure and simple mindless babble. I need a release. Ergo. Voila. Eureka! etc.

This blog.

What's funny is when I forget exactly what my username or blog title is. I seriously wonder if anyone else will read this.

Personal stuff.
I told someone I was interested in them today. Then I realized after I'd sobered up that I had told two other girls in the past week that I was interested in dating them. One was an ex, another was a girl I'd been on a date on and the third was someone I'm having dinner with Thursday, the fourth was someone way too young and way too conservative to have any semblance of a carefree relationship with .... wait a second that's definitely more than two... what is going on.

So. I guess it's dating via the shotgun effect. You pump out a wide dispersal pattern and hope it hits someone. Pathetic.

Crazy thing is, I do like all these girls. Each is attractive in their own way. I can't say it's purely physical with any of them because well... I haven't been physical with any of them.. except the ex. but that's a long story.

Funny story though. My buddy told me dating her again would be opening up a can of worms... but really I couldn't for the life of me remember why we'd stop dating in the first place. Then I remembered. She dropped the L bomb in the first month... what kind of insanity is that? I got shivers and the insta-cold shoulder. Gave that is. I felt bad, but how do you reciprocate?

I don't know what to do. Doesn't matter anyhow, I'm leaving this joint in 40 days. PS. Don't ever move anywhere north of Seoul proper. It's just a matter before you implode. I mean implode, not explode. The weight on your shoulders get heavier day by day, where eventually you shrink into a teeny event horizon with no chance of escaping the binds of this world o crap. Did I mention I was stationed at 2ID? Faux hurrahs and false pride. And at the same time. I'm going to miss this place. It's been home for almost two years. I probably wouldn't have appreciated Korea as much as I do if it hadn't been so horrible at this unit. This place essentially FORCED me to go off post because existence is such an endeavor in futility here. In order to breath some soul back into yourself you had to leave the confines of the gates after a day of drudgery and well for lack of a better word. Crap.

Anyhow. I have more thoughts for you later.

This should be good for now. Enough ranting.

Insomnia owns me

Unbelievable.
I've been up for over 40 hours and I can't sleep now.
Grr.
So what do I do? I leave my room, go eat some piping hot 留����援� and continue the insanity that is insomnia.
My head hurts. Ugh.

who me goth?

You could be anyone by day, when the only thing that could give you away is the occasional band shirt and all the EBM in your cd collection. You probably have a day job, have alot of other interests besides goth, or are just too lazy to dress up for anything besides a club night. I bet you love 80's music.

What kind of goth are you?

Created by ptocheia

I had to laugh... but how did they know i liked 80's music o_O