remembering the past year.

Here we are... almost at 2007. A lot's happened over the past year. Like Dickens said... It was the best of times... it was the worst of times.I can honestly say that 2006 was one of the best years of my life... I can also honestly say, it was one of the most difficult. It was one of those years where you could tell exactly who your true friends are.
I'm not even sure where to start. I truly do try to live without regrets. I succeed for the most part. I'm not sure why life is rough.. do we do it to ourselves... or does life 'just happen?'

Regardless... I don't regret anything that happened this year..except for maybe one thing. I did this funny thing when I was at my lowest... I pushed away my dearest friend. I guess I'm writing this to her specifically... in the hopes that she might catch a glimpse of it. Erin.. Heejung. Heej.. I miss you so much.If you can understand anything about me... the reason I said the things I did... was to push you away. So it wouldn't hurt as much. on both our accounts. stupid. i know. so fucking stupid. I think about you every day. I've thought about you every single day since the last time we talked. What's horrible is that I'm really not sure what it is that scared you so much...I know we went really far in a short time. but... is it really worth our friendship?
Do you know how much I love you? still?
I just wish... I had a moment to talk to you.. a moment only you can give. because I refuse to believe that this is it for us. I know that there was true love between us.there is for me still.
I don't know what I hope to accomplish with this..except..I'd like to see you before the end of the year... because after the first... I truly will try and forget about you.
I tried this entire time and I failed utterly.
I miss you.

Bleh. I'll clean this up later.