4.03.2015
Long time no see
So. It's been nearly four years I last blogged. I feel like a reticent catholic in the confession booth. Since then. I've moved on with my life. I am no longer in the Army. And much to my surprise. I am fine with that. Anyhow, here's to new beginnings. I aim to blog more regularly. Lol. Let's see how long that lasts. Cheers. More emto follow.
2.03.2010
homeward bound
Well, I'm on my way home for the first time in almost a year...
Can't believe it's already been that long. It just seems like it was just a short while since I left Korea... but it hasn't been.
The past several months have been a strangely mixed bag of ups and downs. I suppose I'll get around to writing about it eventually. In any event, I'm glad to be going home. Once again, I somehow manage to space out a year in my life and not blog about it. Wonder why it is that I manage to meander my way back here, 12 months later...
Enough ruminating, going to bed now. McHenry to Kirkuk- 6 hours. Now to get to Mosul.
First we take manhattan, then we take berlin. Right?
Can't believe it's already been that long. It just seems like it was just a short while since I left Korea... but it hasn't been.
The past several months have been a strangely mixed bag of ups and downs. I suppose I'll get around to writing about it eventually. In any event, I'm glad to be going home. Once again, I somehow manage to space out a year in my life and not blog about it. Wonder why it is that I manage to meander my way back here, 12 months later...
Enough ruminating, going to bed now. McHenry to Kirkuk- 6 hours. Now to get to Mosul.
First we take manhattan, then we take berlin. Right?
1.29.2009
Namolla Family 나몰라패밀리 - Love is that easy 사랑이 그롷게 쉬워 (feat.Tae In 태인)
Oh, what the hell... I'll go ahead and add this while I'm at it. This is the first song that introduced me to Namolla Family. 유진 had it on as her ring on her cell phone. It was catchier than I thought because I found myself humming the melody every time I called her. Darn this catchy KPop business.
You'll notice, the main girl in this video is also the girl in the 사랑은 안녕 video. I still can't figure out if that's 태인 or not. If so, I'm in love and she is to be my future wife. I wish. Even if it isn't 태인, I still want to marry her on principle.
Ha.
1.27.2009
Baek Ji Young (백지영)- Like Being Hit By A Bullet (총맞은 것처럼)
I've noticed something about Korea. This isn't a sudden epiphany or anything like that. In regards to the music that people listen to here... the most prevalant word in all of Korean music is 사랑... or love. It's the predominant theme in almost all the music you hear here. Sadly, it's almost always about love lost or unrequited. Jilted or forlorn... no happy endings here for the most part.
The flip side to that is music that's just outright trite yet catchy. (see: Wonder Girls) How enfuriating is that? No wonder Britney Spears is popular here.
Lately, I've become underwhelmed by the music of Baek, Ji Young (백지영). Her latest hit is 'Like Being Hit by a Bullet' (총맞은 것처럼). To tell the truth. I like the song. I really like the song. But it's so overplayed, it's starting to get on my nerves.
It's on every other person's color-ring on their phone. It's played repeatedly ... over and over and over and over again at every PC bang. I swear it's on at least two or three variety shows a week. Such is the way of Korean pop culture. Leave it to the media programmers to play something into the ground, eeking every last ounce of playtime out of a good song, until it wanes from popularity only to be replaced by some other heartache anthem.
It's like this with every major song in Korea. One thing for sure, you end up knowing the lyrics whether you try to memorize them or not.
1.15.2009
Namolla Family (나몰라 페밀리) - I only want to see you 너만 볼래 (feat. Tae In 태인)
I don't particularly care for this video.. but I love this song.
You should too.
Tae In (Feat. Namolla Family) - Goodbye Love 태인 w/나몰라페밀리 사랑은안 녕
Tae In Featuring Namolla Family
태인 피처링 나몰라페밀리
Here's something cool, but ironic.
Namolla Family is a bunch of comedians who almost always feature Tae In. Well, she turned around and put out her own album.... featuring.... yep. Namolla Family. Funny, eh?
The thing I'm wondering is... is the girl in the video Tae In? or just a actress/model lip synching?
I haven't figured that out yet. If you compare her to Tae In in one of her live performances, she's not nearly as hot or attractive.
Regardless, I like this song.
The cute girls dancing in the rain don't detract from it either :P
Lyrics provided if you can read Hangul.
★태인 - 사랑은 안녕...★
잘 가 한마디를 못하고
사랑 한다는 맘을 감추고
이제는 보내줄게 가지마 잘해줄게
자꾸만 잡고 싶어 니 앞에선 그게 안돼
정말 난 니가 너무 좋았어
그래서 하루 종일 울었어
이러다가 숨이 막혀 내가 죽을 것만 같았어
입에 대지도 못하던 술을 마시고
너를 사랑했던 만큼
내가 휘청거리고 무심코
핸드폰의 너를 누르고
못된 버릇같아 내가 다시 취솔 누르고
미친듯이 길을 걸어 새벽 두시
어느새 나도 모르게 다시
이러면 안되는데 너의 집앞에서
바보처럼 내가 또 하는 말
사랑해 사랑해 사랑해
내가 참 바본가봐
내가 사랑하면 정말 안돼요?
그대 하나만 내가
그저 바라보고만 살아도
내가 행복하다구요
그댈 사랑하고 사랑하다 지치길 바라죠
그댄
너무해요 내가 그댈 정말 사랑했었는데
그댈
니가 즐겨듣던 그 노랫 말들이
마치 내 얘기같아
너무 내 얘기같아 어떡해
유행 가사처럼 우리 사랑도 지나고 (지나고)
어쩌다가 불러보는
우린 추억속의 노래가 되고 (되고)
아픈 가슴 끓어 안고
울다지쳐 혼자 멍하니 널 그리다
이러면 안되는데 너무나 아파
바보처럼 내가 또 하는 말
사랑해 사랑해 사랑해
내가 참 바본가봐
내가 사랑하면 정말 안돼요?
그대 하나만 내가
그저 바라보고만 살아도
내가 행복하다구요
그댈 사랑하고 사랑하다 지치길 바라죠
그댄
너무해요 내가 그댈 정말 사랑했었는데
그댈
잘가 한마디를 못하고
사랑 한다는 맘을 감추고
이제는 보내줄게 가지마 잘해줄게
자꾸만 잡고 싶어 니 앞에선 그게 안돼
미안해 미안해 미안해 사랑해서
(사랑했어 널)
사랑해 사랑해 사랑해 널 만나서 제발
가지마 가지마 가지마 날 두고서
(날 두고서 넌)
돌아와 돌아와 돌아와 나 여기있어
가지마..
내가 사랑하면 정말 안돼요
그대 하나만 내가
그저 바라보고만 살아도 내가 행복하다구요
그댈 사랑하고 사랑하다 지치길 바라죠
그댄
너무해요 내가 그댈 정말 사랑했었는데
그댈
사랑한 사람과 이젠 안녕 잘가
12.31.2008
Happy New Year!
It's New Year's Eve.
I'm sitting in the office which is fine, because I only have a few more hours and then I'm done for the day.
I want to wish all of you everyone who happens to wander around here a Happy New Year.
Tonight should be pretty fun. Mikey and Meg are coming up from the Hump. I must secure a room for them... and aside from that it should all be goonda.
muahaha.
Now. The question is what are we going to do to make this a most festive night of fun and semi-debauchery... HRM!
I'm sitting in the office which is fine, because I only have a few more hours and then I'm done for the day.
I want to wish all of you everyone who happens to wander around here a Happy New Year.
Tonight should be pretty fun. Mikey and Meg are coming up from the Hump. I must secure a room for them... and aside from that it should all be goonda.
muahaha.
Now. The question is what are we going to do to make this a most festive night of fun and semi-debauchery... HRM!
12.29.2008
2008 is gone already?!?
Aha. So I was in the office today perusing the Marmot when I remembered that I too had a blog.
Much to my surprise (or was it) I found that I somehow managed to blog around the end of every year or so. I skipped 2007, not much must have happened.
I wish I had blogged more though. For some reason, it's like a little time slice of your life. I read back now and wonder how so much (or so little) has changed. Some things have changed. Some things haven't. I still wonder how Heej is doing. I'm still in touch with 수연. I went to a Karaoke place with my friend Daisuke and 나영, sang Last Christmas and thought of Beth. (Isn't that Irony.) My life is still semi-turbulent and rocky... but I realize more than ever that human beings have a hard time learning from their mistakes and that often, we bring our problems on ourselves.
All the wisdom in the world at my fingertips and yet I still fall for the wrong girl, still mess up with the right one. Still poor, but not really. Getting fat even though the gym is less than five minutes from my front door.
On the other hand, I my drinking is almost non-existent. I eat on a more regular basis, less ramen. All in all, I should be better off than before. BUT, I'm not.
So you might wonder, what exactly am I going on about?
Nothing as usual. I think I might try and blog more regularly though. I like the 'I don't like what I wrote two years ago, I think I'll delete that paragraph or three.' aspect. If you edit your blog, and remove a line, does that mean you delete it from your life as well? I mean, if you can't remember something, doesn't it mean that it effectively never happened? I used to be proud of the fact that I never cheated on a significant other and that I remembered my girlfriends' names and faces... As time passes, things start to fade. Strange, eh?
Somehow in my mind those two things link together. I read back at it now and it sounds rather discombobulated. Ha.
It appears I'm running out of things to talk about, so I'll stop this for now.
more to follow.
Much to my surprise (or was it) I found that I somehow managed to blog around the end of every year or so. I skipped 2007, not much must have happened.
I wish I had blogged more though. For some reason, it's like a little time slice of your life. I read back now and wonder how so much (or so little) has changed. Some things have changed. Some things haven't. I still wonder how Heej is doing. I'm still in touch with 수연. I went to a Karaoke place with my friend Daisuke and 나영, sang Last Christmas and thought of Beth. (Isn't that Irony.) My life is still semi-turbulent and rocky... but I realize more than ever that human beings have a hard time learning from their mistakes and that often, we bring our problems on ourselves.
All the wisdom in the world at my fingertips and yet I still fall for the wrong girl, still mess up with the right one. Still poor, but not really. Getting fat even though the gym is less than five minutes from my front door.
On the other hand, I my drinking is almost non-existent. I eat on a more regular basis, less ramen. All in all, I should be better off than before. BUT, I'm not.
So you might wonder, what exactly am I going on about?
Nothing as usual. I think I might try and blog more regularly though. I like the 'I don't like what I wrote two years ago, I think I'll delete that paragraph or three.' aspect. If you edit your blog, and remove a line, does that mean you delete it from your life as well? I mean, if you can't remember something, doesn't it mean that it effectively never happened? I used to be proud of the fact that I never cheated on a significant other and that I remembered my girlfriends' names and faces... As time passes, things start to fade. Strange, eh?
Somehow in my mind those two things link together. I read back at it now and it sounds rather discombobulated. Ha.
It appears I'm running out of things to talk about, so I'll stop this for now.
more to follow.
12.29.2006
remembering the past year.
Here we are... almost at 2007. A lot's happened over the past year. Like Dickens said... It was the best of times... it was the worst of times.I can honestly say that 2006 was one of the best years of my life... I can also honestly say, it was one of the most difficult. It was one of those years where you could tell exactly who your true friends are.
I'm not even sure where to start. I truly do try to live without regrets. I succeed for the most part. I'm not sure why life is rough.. do we do it to ourselves... or does life 'just happen?'
Regardless... I don't regret anything that happened this year..except for maybe one thing. I did this funny thing when I was at my lowest... I pushed away my dearest friend. I guess I'm writing this to her specifically... in the hopes that she might catch a glimpse of it. Erin.. Heejung. Heej.. I miss you so much.If you can understand anything about me... the reason I said the things I did... was to push you away. So it wouldn't hurt as much. on both our accounts. stupid. i know. so fucking stupid. I think about you every day. I've thought about you every single day since the last time we talked. What's horrible is that I'm really not sure what it is that scared you so much...I know we went really far in a short time. but... is it really worth our friendship?
Do you know how much I love you? still?
I just wish... I had a moment to talk to you.. a moment only you can give. because I refuse to believe that this is it for us. I know that there was true love between us.there is for me still.
I don't know what I hope to accomplish with this..except..I'd like to see you before the end of the year... because after the first... I truly will try and forget about you.
I tried this entire time and I failed utterly.
I miss you.
Bleh. I'll clean this up later.
I'm not even sure where to start. I truly do try to live without regrets. I succeed for the most part. I'm not sure why life is rough.. do we do it to ourselves... or does life 'just happen?'
Regardless... I don't regret anything that happened this year..except for maybe one thing. I did this funny thing when I was at my lowest... I pushed away my dearest friend. I guess I'm writing this to her specifically... in the hopes that she might catch a glimpse of it. Erin.. Heejung. Heej.. I miss you so much.If you can understand anything about me... the reason I said the things I did... was to push you away. So it wouldn't hurt as much. on both our accounts. stupid. i know. so fucking stupid. I think about you every day. I've thought about you every single day since the last time we talked. What's horrible is that I'm really not sure what it is that scared you so much...I know we went really far in a short time. but... is it really worth our friendship?
Do you know how much I love you? still?
I just wish... I had a moment to talk to you.. a moment only you can give. because I refuse to believe that this is it for us. I know that there was true love between us.there is for me still.
I don't know what I hope to accomplish with this..except..I'd like to see you before the end of the year... because after the first... I truly will try and forget about you.
I tried this entire time and I failed utterly.
I miss you.
Bleh. I'll clean this up later.
4.17.2006
Man, my blog is pure crap.
Complete, unadulterated, self-indulgent, worthless, whiny, crap.
I think I might have left some choice words out. I hadn't actually written anything in a while and after reading kushibo's blog I noticed I would actually have to make my presence less anonymous in order to comment there. That's a mixed bag I suppose. The dude gets a ton of hits and that would just bring attention to my POS blog with all its emo-esque whinings. I'm not sure if I really want that. To lurk or not to lurk.
Ah fuck it. He really does write some excellent satire. I already said it anyhow, this is my repository for useless crap. If I'd wanted to write something more salient and meaningful... I would have done it already... I'll leave that up for the likes of the Marmot and Oranckay.
Meanwhile back at the ranch. Erin is still in the hospital... I wonder if she's ever going to be okay. I worry about her a lot. I'm afraid she's going to be in pain for a long time, if not the rest of her life. Nobody should have to deal with that. Hopefully the docs will get their heads out of their asses and figure out what the heck is wrong with her arm... barring that, hopefully they'll figure out what the heck medication has a positive effect on her and is able to cut through her pain.
Praying for you kiddo.
...more to follow.
I think I might have left some choice words out. I hadn't actually written anything in a while and after reading kushibo's blog I noticed I would actually have to make my presence less anonymous in order to comment there. That's a mixed bag I suppose. The dude gets a ton of hits and that would just bring attention to my POS blog with all its emo-esque whinings. I'm not sure if I really want that. To lurk or not to lurk.
Ah fuck it. He really does write some excellent satire. I already said it anyhow, this is my repository for useless crap. If I'd wanted to write something more salient and meaningful... I would have done it already... I'll leave that up for the likes of the Marmot and Oranckay.
Meanwhile back at the ranch. Erin is still in the hospital... I wonder if she's ever going to be okay. I worry about her a lot. I'm afraid she's going to be in pain for a long time, if not the rest of her life. Nobody should have to deal with that. Hopefully the docs will get their heads out of their asses and figure out what the heck is wrong with her arm... barring that, hopefully they'll figure out what the heck medication has a positive effect on her and is able to cut through her pain.
Praying for you kiddo.
...more to follow.
3.16.2006
Once upon a time...
there was this girl from Korea
she was quite a wonderful little girl
she had the best smile
one day, she met a boy
he wasn't particularly anything special
but they got along fairly well.
in fact, they got along beautifully.
as time went by, the boy became
enamored with the girl
but, to the boy's dismay, the girl
didn't like the boy in that way.
or so he thought.
it turns out she was once under the
spell of an evil wizard
who had done terrible things to her
it so happened that the boy reminded
her of this terrible wizard even though
they were not the same person
so she ran away from the boy
even though there was no reason to.
the boy was saddened by this
but he loved her very much.
and to his credit, he let her go
but one day, the boy and the girl kissed
it was a magical moment
and the way that things should have been
unfortunately the girl was under the sway
of a foul poison and could not remember a thing
the boy was saddened by the turn of events
but still the boy kept true to the girl
and kept his promise to always be dear friends
to this day, the boy and girl remain closest of
friends.
but the boy will never forget.. and wishes
the girl will remember one day
and stop running away.
the end.
1.30.2006
happy new year
so.. i suppose i should write more often cause lots of stuff has happened in two weeks. :D
Turns out Erin was super mad at me and almost deleted me from life.
haha.
but she got over being mad at me and we're good again.
at the same time she had to go to the hospital for some wicked bad headaches after her car accident :(
she just got out the other day but had to go back cause her headaches got hella bad.
:
hmm.
as for me
it's new years and i'm down at my parents. i went out last night with Su Yeon. It was great. I hadn't seen her in a couple of months... but we had a great time. i'm the luckiest guy in the world. i'm not sure what she sees in me.. but i guess i got lucky :P
ha. life is good.
Turns out Erin was super mad at me and almost deleted me from life.
haha.
but she got over being mad at me and we're good again.
at the same time she had to go to the hospital for some wicked bad headaches after her car accident :(
she just got out the other day but had to go back cause her headaches got hella bad.
:
hmm.
as for me
it's new years and i'm down at my parents. i went out last night with Su Yeon. It was great. I hadn't seen her in a couple of months... but we had a great time. i'm the luckiest guy in the world. i'm not sure what she sees in me.. but i guess i got lucky :P
ha. life is good.
1.12.2006
i suck at life
have you ever wondered how sometimes a simple day turns tragic and disappointing?
it started out good enough. the previous night was fantastic. lots of laughs. nice turn of events. good beer. just three or so. nothing too heavy...
but i don't know.. something happened today.
maybe it was because i was exhausted...
maybe my mood was just tweaked enough to set me off...
but i found myself angry at erin today.
as a result i said the most hurtful angry things.
i'm not sure if it was because i was hurt or resentful or bitter...
but i said some very mean things that i didn't believe.
i'm not sure what the point was... but now
i feel like this sledgehammer has completely caved my chest in.
erin keeps telling me that i am not to fall in love with her...
and i'm not.
but the constant reminders make me feel somewhat worthless.
i don't know if she understands that. it's not because i'm in love with her
but i guess a part of me feels that lack of desirability equates to me
being unwanted...
it seems foolish in hindsight but i can't shake this feeling.
all i want is for us to be ok.. so we can drive on
but i have this sinking feeling the words were too harsh...
maybe time will make it better.
maybe it'll be ok tomorrow.
but i have this feeling she might close me out now.
and that would be tragic.
why can't life be easier?
i'm not even talking about love.
just life.. this kind of crap should never happen between friends.
i just found her... it would suck completely to turn around and lose her already.
i'm afraid that things won't be the same any more.
damn my big mouth.
it started out good enough. the previous night was fantastic. lots of laughs. nice turn of events. good beer. just three or so. nothing too heavy...
but i don't know.. something happened today.
maybe it was because i was exhausted...
maybe my mood was just tweaked enough to set me off...
but i found myself angry at erin today.
as a result i said the most hurtful angry things.
i'm not sure if it was because i was hurt or resentful or bitter...
but i said some very mean things that i didn't believe.
i'm not sure what the point was... but now
i feel like this sledgehammer has completely caved my chest in.
erin keeps telling me that i am not to fall in love with her...
and i'm not.
but the constant reminders make me feel somewhat worthless.
i don't know if she understands that. it's not because i'm in love with her
but i guess a part of me feels that lack of desirability equates to me
being unwanted...
it seems foolish in hindsight but i can't shake this feeling.
all i want is for us to be ok.. so we can drive on
but i have this sinking feeling the words were too harsh...
maybe time will make it better.
maybe it'll be ok tomorrow.
but i have this feeling she might close me out now.
and that would be tragic.
why can't life be easier?
i'm not even talking about love.
just life.. this kind of crap should never happen between friends.
i just found her... it would suck completely to turn around and lose her already.
i'm afraid that things won't be the same any more.
damn my big mouth.
1.06.2006
death, taxes and Cal Ripken Jr.
They had this sign in Baltimore years back... well, it was a mural that plastered on a 10+ story building actually. Anyhow.. it was about what's certain in life. I think I'll forever remember that sign. I really wish in hindsight that digital cameras were cheaper back then... I need to get one. My phone just isn't cutting it. It takes great pictures, but I don't have the software/cable to get it off the phone here. Of course I'm still lacking a computer.... but anyhow. I will rectify that situation soon enough.
So... What is this all about anyhow? I don't know why.. but I guess a couple of conversations I had today reminded me about death and taxes... and I suppose Cal Ripken, Jr too by default.
Death. How old is old enough.. where it's ok to let go? I can't imagine living to 100... I mean living years past your prime... all your friends and family.. gone. I don't think I would want to live to be that old. Of course, if the love of my life was with me.. of course I would hang on for as long as I could. But that comes to the second thing.. what if you were chronically ill? If you were on a respirator/life support and the only reason you were alive was because of an IV drip permanently plugged into your vein. Would you want to 'live'? If it was my choice, no. That's not worth it. Agonizing bed sores, unable to communicate... trapped in a shell of a human body. Screw that.
On a brighter note. Tax season is upon us soon. Even though it's only January, I'm excited. I always do my taxes as soon as I get my W-2, just because then it's out of the way and ZOOM. Refund city. I love my tax bracket :D
Anyhow. Those were my two thoughts for today.
It's friday. time to get my drink on.
WOOT!
So... What is this all about anyhow? I don't know why.. but I guess a couple of conversations I had today reminded me about death and taxes... and I suppose Cal Ripken, Jr too by default.
Death. How old is old enough.. where it's ok to let go? I can't imagine living to 100... I mean living years past your prime... all your friends and family.. gone. I don't think I would want to live to be that old. Of course, if the love of my life was with me.. of course I would hang on for as long as I could. But that comes to the second thing.. what if you were chronically ill? If you were on a respirator/life support and the only reason you were alive was because of an IV drip permanently plugged into your vein. Would you want to 'live'? If it was my choice, no. That's not worth it. Agonizing bed sores, unable to communicate... trapped in a shell of a human body. Screw that.
On a brighter note. Tax season is upon us soon. Even though it's only January, I'm excited. I always do my taxes as soon as I get my W-2, just because then it's out of the way and ZOOM. Refund city. I love my tax bracket :D
Anyhow. Those were my two thoughts for today.
It's friday. time to get my drink on.
WOOT!
1.05.2006
you can't always get what you want...
Who knew that the Mick Jagger could ever be considered sage or wise...
Things have stabilized in my so called life and could actually be considered back to normal.
HRm. Verdana.. so much more pleasing to the eye than Times New Roman. Why not just call it Times or Roman.. what's so new about it? I guess if you were a typesetter you could be offended by such idle musings.
So... what is normal? Well, I'm most definitely not attached to anyone. Go figure. I think I will end up being that old guy who plays chess in the park. There's a brand of solace in being single I think. Nobody to answer to, complete freedom to do whatever the fuck you want. And yet... I think there's a part of me that likes being in relationships. Someone to share both lifes little triumphs and also the little miseries. Ever since D and I split up.. I really haven't been with anyone in any significant way. But part of me wonders what I ever saw in her.. I mean by comparison with relationships past, she had nothing to offer me... I think I made the pedestal mistake with her... but ultimately, there was a time I was in love with her. I look at the potential there was with Beth and go wow. There is absolutely no reason to settle for less, ever. So my standards got stepped up a notch... again. This sorta makes it a pain in the ass to be with anyone.
I guess I should say for posterity that Beth and I are good. Everything is sorted out.. she's in love.. not with me, but that's fine because I am happy for her. Once everything was said and done, it was great. Completely great.. we were talking like we used to in no time at all. It was such a freaking relief because it was like within a matter of minutes the big cloud that was hanging over us was GONE. It's a good feeling. I was completely miserable when she was putting distance between us... In retrospect, I think it was completely unnecessary. But hey! It's all good now. I can't wait till she gets back. This year is going to be great fun. :D I <3 Beth.
Despite not being with anyone, I'm definitely not alone. I've made some incredible friends in the past couple of weeks. I can say most definitively that I couldn't ask for more from the friends I've made.
I should take a moment to talk about Erin, what a goof. So the other day, I was browsing around for new music.. perusing myspace people for new music ideas.. you know. Being a inet social butterfly. Anyhow, I was bored and asked her to message me if she was bored. I guess she was. Anyhow, the first time we talked, I was completely befuddled. I could have sworn this girl was the devil personified... talk about obnoxious and stuck up. Holy cow. I was like, how could someone with such good taste in books and music be so fricking bitchy?
Well.. as it turns out, it was just a front.. IM persona to fend off internet creeps.. or was it just me? I guess she thought my picture was obnoxiously funny.. so in turn she was obnoxious to me. Feh. Anyhow, the next night we talked again, and I guess through the magic of the handphone, she figured out I wasn't an obnoxious prick either. Go figure. Anyhow, we ended up going to eat dinner, sang karaoke and watched a movie.. all in the same night. I had a complete blast. All thanks to myspace + boredom. Crazy.
Anyhow. She's awesome. Can't wait to hang out with her more. Definitely gonna make the next year a blast. I have more amusing anecdotes about her.. but..
I think I'm blogged out for the time being...
more to follow...
Things have stabilized in my so called life and could actually be considered back to normal.
HRm. Verdana.. so much more pleasing to the eye than Times New Roman. Why not just call it Times or Roman.. what's so new about it? I guess if you were a typesetter you could be offended by such idle musings.
So... what is normal? Well, I'm most definitely not attached to anyone. Go figure. I think I will end up being that old guy who plays chess in the park. There's a brand of solace in being single I think. Nobody to answer to, complete freedom to do whatever the fuck you want. And yet... I think there's a part of me that likes being in relationships. Someone to share both lifes little triumphs and also the little miseries. Ever since D and I split up.. I really haven't been with anyone in any significant way. But part of me wonders what I ever saw in her.. I mean by comparison with relationships past, she had nothing to offer me... I think I made the pedestal mistake with her... but ultimately, there was a time I was in love with her. I look at the potential there was with Beth and go wow. There is absolutely no reason to settle for less, ever. So my standards got stepped up a notch... again. This sorta makes it a pain in the ass to be with anyone.
I guess I should say for posterity that Beth and I are good. Everything is sorted out.. she's in love.. not with me, but that's fine because I am happy for her. Once everything was said and done, it was great. Completely great.. we were talking like we used to in no time at all. It was such a freaking relief because it was like within a matter of minutes the big cloud that was hanging over us was GONE. It's a good feeling. I was completely miserable when she was putting distance between us... In retrospect, I think it was completely unnecessary. But hey! It's all good now. I can't wait till she gets back. This year is going to be great fun. :D I <3 Beth.
Despite not being with anyone, I'm definitely not alone. I've made some incredible friends in the past couple of weeks. I can say most definitively that I couldn't ask for more from the friends I've made.
I should take a moment to talk about Erin, what a goof. So the other day, I was browsing around for new music.. perusing myspace people for new music ideas.. you know. Being a inet social butterfly. Anyhow, I was bored and asked her to message me if she was bored. I guess she was. Anyhow, the first time we talked, I was completely befuddled. I could have sworn this girl was the devil personified... talk about obnoxious and stuck up. Holy cow. I was like, how could someone with such good taste in books and music be so fricking bitchy?
Well.. as it turns out, it was just a front.. IM persona to fend off internet creeps.. or was it just me? I guess she thought my picture was obnoxiously funny.. so in turn she was obnoxious to me. Feh. Anyhow, the next night we talked again, and I guess through the magic of the handphone, she figured out I wasn't an obnoxious prick either. Go figure. Anyhow, we ended up going to eat dinner, sang karaoke and watched a movie.. all in the same night. I had a complete blast. All thanks to myspace + boredom. Crazy.
Anyhow. She's awesome. Can't wait to hang out with her more. Definitely gonna make the next year a blast. I have more amusing anecdotes about her.. but..
I think I'm blogged out for the time being...
more to follow...
1.03.2006
possible responses
Let's see. Out of all the things i asked for...
i asked not to be told over email or im.
my one simple request..
So, I got the notification via email.
I had a rush of emotions when i read it.
ultimately.. it was something i suspected would happen.
so i wasn't too surprised.
but over email?
Anyhow, some possible responses.
Bitter:
Dear Beth,
Fuck you very much for leading me on. I love you, but I hate you.
The End.
ki
Bereft:
Dear Beth,
How could you do this to me? Why didn't you give us a chance?
Why did you tell me it was ok to fall for you and lie to me that there was no other shoe?
-sigh-
ki
Strong:
Dear Beth,
I wish you the best. You deserve all the happiness in the world. I wish the timing had been better, but life throws you these curveballs sometimes. Thanks for everything. You still mean the world to me. I look forward to you getting back and hanging out.
ki
And the winner is?
Dear Beth,
In spite of how things turned out... ultimately, I find that I do understand. I'm glad not to be waiting any more. Do I wish things could be different? Of course. You came into my life like a hurricane, turning everything upside down. You left your mark... I think you'll find that once everything is said and done, we will still be good if not best friends. It might be possible for that to be as soon as tomorrow. I don't know. It hit me hard. But I'll get over it. Like I've said before, I want you to be happy. If this makes you happy. So be it. Your beloved Heinlein said, "Love is that condition in which the happiness of another is essential to your own."
It's true. I make no excuses for how I feel/felt/still feel about you. But be happy. I think you have made the right choice. I never asked to fall for you. It happened. Everything happens for a reason right? I don't know what the reason is in this case... but at the very least, it doesn't change the fact that we met and were destined to have met. and that is a good thing.
I won't miss what we could have been, because it never happened. But I will cherish what will be.
I love you.
Ki
i asked not to be told over email or im.
my one simple request..
So, I got the notification via email.
I had a rush of emotions when i read it.
ultimately.. it was something i suspected would happen.
so i wasn't too surprised.
but over email?
Anyhow, some possible responses.
Bitter:
Dear Beth,
Fuck you very much for leading me on. I love you, but I hate you.
The End.
ki
Bereft:
Dear Beth,
How could you do this to me? Why didn't you give us a chance?
Why did you tell me it was ok to fall for you and lie to me that there was no other shoe?
-sigh-
ki
Strong:
Dear Beth,
I wish you the best. You deserve all the happiness in the world. I wish the timing had been better, but life throws you these curveballs sometimes. Thanks for everything. You still mean the world to me. I look forward to you getting back and hanging out.
ki
And the winner is?
Dear Beth,
In spite of how things turned out... ultimately, I find that I do understand. I'm glad not to be waiting any more. Do I wish things could be different? Of course. You came into my life like a hurricane, turning everything upside down. You left your mark... I think you'll find that once everything is said and done, we will still be good if not best friends. It might be possible for that to be as soon as tomorrow. I don't know. It hit me hard. But I'll get over it. Like I've said before, I want you to be happy. If this makes you happy. So be it. Your beloved Heinlein said, "Love is that condition in which the happiness of another is essential to your own."
It's true. I make no excuses for how I feel/felt/still feel about you. But be happy. I think you have made the right choice. I never asked to fall for you. It happened. Everything happens for a reason right? I don't know what the reason is in this case... but at the very least, it doesn't change the fact that we met and were destined to have met. and that is a good thing.
I won't miss what we could have been, because it never happened. But I will cherish what will be.
I love you.
Ki
feh
well.
i guess beth figured it out...
i'm not the one.
guess I never was. I wish she could have told me before
maybe before I started liking her so much.
a part of me feels used...
but anyhow.
no regrets.
no more tears.
'thanks for trying, have a nice day'
i'll write about this some day when i can put everything together.
i guess beth figured it out...
i'm not the one.
guess I never was. I wish she could have told me before
maybe before I started liking her so much.
a part of me feels used...
but anyhow.
no regrets.
no more tears.
'thanks for trying, have a nice day'
i'll write about this some day when i can put everything together.
12.30.2005
relationships
So... two of my good friends and one acquaintance left for Japan today.... it was pretty sad.. not completely heart wrenching but just -sigh- kind of stuff.
I've been thinking a lot of about relationships lately... for obvious reasons I suppose. I find that as I get older, I start valuing my relationships more... be it friends, lovers, family... whatever.
I'm not sure what I'm trying to get at here... but I think for some reason, I am quick to decide which friendships are indispensible and which are disposable...
Maybe I recognize which are going to be lasting and worth my time and which are completely ephemeral and something to be enjoyed for the moment but ultimately fruitless.
I just can't be bothered to put 100 percent into every interaction I have with humanity.
This past week has been a rollercoaster.. a complete upheaval of my life .. good in some ways.. completely unnerving in others.
In the past week or so, I've reconnected with some dear friends... which makes me completely happy. I love nostalgia... reminiscing is a good way to keep track of yourself. Make adjustments. Drive on. Ultimately becoming a better person as a result. (what does that mean anyhow? better person?)
More importantly, I've met some incredible people who are going to shape my experiences in Korea more than they can imagine.
I'm really grateful there are people out there in the world that I didn't know existed that I will eventually meet that will reshape my opinion of humanity and think that there is hope for it after all.
Quite unexpectedly, I have become quite taken with someone who has completely altered my vision of the future and my expectations of what I want to do and what I will end up doing. I was quite content with my day to day life and just when I thought things couldn't get any better, I have this amazing whirling dervish of a personality enter my world and turn it upside down... not necessarily a bad thing mind you. I find myself wanting to share everything with her though. Once again, not necessarily a bad thing.
I had such a bittersweet day... there was an air of melancholy at the airport where we stood around taking pictures and reminiscing about the past year wondering when we would all see each other next.. making plans for reuniting in the future.. '10 years from now, at the station, 4 o'clock. be there' sort of thing. imaginary kids being toted along.. quite sweet and endearing visions of what will come. Ji-hoon said later as we watched Chizuru and Tomoko enter the secure area before boarding that this is why he hated airports... because of all the farewells and sorrow of partings. I echo those sentiments... at the same time, airports are avenues of reuniting people too... if people leave, people also arrive. Definitely not a one way street there. I'm sure the airlines appreciate that fact, otherwise they'd have a hard time making any money. :D
Anyhow... I realized last night that Beth was becoming an integral part of my life... first person I think about when I wake up... the last before I go to bed. And in between, if anything happens good or bad, I want to share it with her. I had such a great dinner with Akira and Seung Jin... and I texted her ... just to be like check this out, isn't this great? Dinner and drinks were my way of drowning our sorrows, with the celebration of friends who still remained. It was such a blast. Seung Jin had never had a steak before.. and didn't know how to eat with a fork and knife... I literally had to show him how to cut it up... otherwise I think he would have ended up starving. The steak completely blew him away and he ended up waddling around like the stay-puff marshmellow man after consuming EVERY LAST BIT of a 20 oz T-bone. Good gravy.
We went to a couple of bars later.. ending up down in Helios which was packed... but the music was actually pretty decent and the energy was incredible. We eventually got sat at this table which turned out to be occupied, the occupants had wandered to the dance floor and just got back to find all their drinks removed by the waitstaff. Being good sports, we vacated the table and moved to the non smoking section, a few moments later, one of the girls came over to bring us a couple of mugs of beer as an apology/thanks for being gentlemen. In turn, I bought them a couple of rum and cokes for being so polite. All in all it was a great time. We had a lot of kanpais and geumbaes and made up for an otherwise sombering day. As we were leaving, a great song was playing on the speakers... You are always on my mind, Elvis version. I called Beth hoping to sing a few bars to her... sappy. cheesy. yeah yeah yeah.
Unfortunately, I didn't get through.. she texted me later wondering if anything was wrong.. but of course I didn't hear my phone. Oh well. Hopefully she had a great time with her friends on her last night out before she leaves for Chicago.
I really wonder what's going to end up happening with us. It's definitely the one that that remains constant throughout my day. It's somewhat overwhelming... I have no doubt that things will turn out the way they're supposed to be... not necessarily the way I want but that's life. In the end, I am grateful for having met her in the first place and will treasure each waking moment that I've had being with her, talking or writing... This is the first time in a long time that anyone has awakened that part of me which results in wanting to write. If everything was ho hum and boring.. I really don't have anything to write about. But she evokes such incredible feelings in me. I feel alive and complete. Being without her is like slowly suffocating. I wonder what she will decide. Me, someone else, nobody... I've been aching to talk to her all day... going nuts because I want to write and tell her how I'm feeling .. what I'm feeling.. how I feel about her. All my thoughts and emotions are tied up with her... Is this healthy? Is it reasonable? Probably not.. but that's what happens when you encounter the most amazing woman in the world. She'll probably shake her head and laugh when she reads this.. I know, I'm a corndog. But regardless, it's all true. Being corny doesn't diminish the truth of the matter.
Now if I can only find something to do to occupy my time until she gets back. I don't know if I said it before here, but these 14 days have not been a cakewalk. 4 down, 10 to go.
more to follow.
I've been thinking a lot of about relationships lately... for obvious reasons I suppose. I find that as I get older, I start valuing my relationships more... be it friends, lovers, family... whatever.
I'm not sure what I'm trying to get at here... but I think for some reason, I am quick to decide which friendships are indispensible and which are disposable...
Maybe I recognize which are going to be lasting and worth my time and which are completely ephemeral and something to be enjoyed for the moment but ultimately fruitless.
I just can't be bothered to put 100 percent into every interaction I have with humanity.
This past week has been a rollercoaster.. a complete upheaval of my life .. good in some ways.. completely unnerving in others.
In the past week or so, I've reconnected with some dear friends... which makes me completely happy. I love nostalgia... reminiscing is a good way to keep track of yourself. Make adjustments. Drive on. Ultimately becoming a better person as a result. (what does that mean anyhow? better person?)
More importantly, I've met some incredible people who are going to shape my experiences in Korea more than they can imagine.
I'm really grateful there are people out there in the world that I didn't know existed that I will eventually meet that will reshape my opinion of humanity and think that there is hope for it after all.
Quite unexpectedly, I have become quite taken with someone who has completely altered my vision of the future and my expectations of what I want to do and what I will end up doing. I was quite content with my day to day life and just when I thought things couldn't get any better, I have this amazing whirling dervish of a personality enter my world and turn it upside down... not necessarily a bad thing mind you. I find myself wanting to share everything with her though. Once again, not necessarily a bad thing.
I had such a bittersweet day... there was an air of melancholy at the airport where we stood around taking pictures and reminiscing about the past year wondering when we would all see each other next.. making plans for reuniting in the future.. '10 years from now, at the station, 4 o'clock. be there' sort of thing. imaginary kids being toted along.. quite sweet and endearing visions of what will come. Ji-hoon said later as we watched Chizuru and Tomoko enter the secure area before boarding that this is why he hated airports... because of all the farewells and sorrow of partings. I echo those sentiments... at the same time, airports are avenues of reuniting people too... if people leave, people also arrive. Definitely not a one way street there. I'm sure the airlines appreciate that fact, otherwise they'd have a hard time making any money. :D
Anyhow... I realized last night that Beth was becoming an integral part of my life... first person I think about when I wake up... the last before I go to bed. And in between, if anything happens good or bad, I want to share it with her. I had such a great dinner with Akira and Seung Jin... and I texted her ... just to be like check this out, isn't this great? Dinner and drinks were my way of drowning our sorrows, with the celebration of friends who still remained. It was such a blast. Seung Jin had never had a steak before.. and didn't know how to eat with a fork and knife... I literally had to show him how to cut it up... otherwise I think he would have ended up starving. The steak completely blew him away and he ended up waddling around like the stay-puff marshmellow man after consuming EVERY LAST BIT of a 20 oz T-bone. Good gravy.
We went to a couple of bars later.. ending up down in Helios which was packed... but the music was actually pretty decent and the energy was incredible. We eventually got sat at this table which turned out to be occupied, the occupants had wandered to the dance floor and just got back to find all their drinks removed by the waitstaff. Being good sports, we vacated the table and moved to the non smoking section, a few moments later, one of the girls came over to bring us a couple of mugs of beer as an apology/thanks for being gentlemen. In turn, I bought them a couple of rum and cokes for being so polite. All in all it was a great time. We had a lot of kanpais and geumbaes and made up for an otherwise sombering day. As we were leaving, a great song was playing on the speakers... You are always on my mind, Elvis version. I called Beth hoping to sing a few bars to her... sappy. cheesy. yeah yeah yeah.
Unfortunately, I didn't get through.. she texted me later wondering if anything was wrong.. but of course I didn't hear my phone. Oh well. Hopefully she had a great time with her friends on her last night out before she leaves for Chicago.
I really wonder what's going to end up happening with us. It's definitely the one that that remains constant throughout my day. It's somewhat overwhelming... I have no doubt that things will turn out the way they're supposed to be... not necessarily the way I want but that's life. In the end, I am grateful for having met her in the first place and will treasure each waking moment that I've had being with her, talking or writing... This is the first time in a long time that anyone has awakened that part of me which results in wanting to write. If everything was ho hum and boring.. I really don't have anything to write about. But she evokes such incredible feelings in me. I feel alive and complete. Being without her is like slowly suffocating. I wonder what she will decide. Me, someone else, nobody... I've been aching to talk to her all day... going nuts because I want to write and tell her how I'm feeling .. what I'm feeling.. how I feel about her. All my thoughts and emotions are tied up with her... Is this healthy? Is it reasonable? Probably not.. but that's what happens when you encounter the most amazing woman in the world. She'll probably shake her head and laugh when she reads this.. I know, I'm a corndog. But regardless, it's all true. Being corny doesn't diminish the truth of the matter.
Now if I can only find something to do to occupy my time until she gets back. I don't know if I said it before here, but these 14 days have not been a cakewalk. 4 down, 10 to go.
more to follow.
12.27.2005
insanity reigns supreme.
I woke up this morning at about 6... ..a whole hour before my alarm goes off. I did the whole morning ritual, stretch, yawn, grab a cigarette and just blinked for a long while.
The first thing I did was grab my cell phone and check for messages...
dunno why.. nobody called or wrote. (I hate you all)
Anyhow, as of late, I've been obsessing over this girl.. in a good way, not some Glenn Close Fatal Attractionesque way. It's starting to border on unhealthy though. I can't think straight.. although it's gotten better today. Yesterday was completely unnerving. I didn't eat all day.. was too busy obsessing and moping. It's like my whole world went topsy turvy.
Not sure if there's a better description than that.
I wish you could all meet this girl, she's amazing. Completely amazing.
hmm. hopefully she won't mind if i put a snippet about her here...
She is....
insanely fun, beautiful, smart, sexy, sweet, witty, clever, understanding, sarcastic, literate, hip.. so tragically hip.. gorgeous, goofy, real. completely real. all of this and so much more.
everything i've ever wanted in someone and then some.
and yet she hasn't decided if i can keep her yet.
:/
guess it'll just take a bit more time.
12 days and counting...
The first thing I did was grab my cell phone and check for messages...
dunno why.. nobody called or wrote. (I hate you all)
Anyhow, as of late, I've been obsessing over this girl.. in a good way, not some Glenn Close Fatal Attractionesque way. It's starting to border on unhealthy though. I can't think straight.. although it's gotten better today. Yesterday was completely unnerving. I didn't eat all day.. was too busy obsessing and moping. It's like my whole world went topsy turvy.
Not sure if there's a better description than that.
I wish you could all meet this girl, she's amazing. Completely amazing.
hmm. hopefully she won't mind if i put a snippet about her here...
She is....
insanely fun, beautiful, smart, sexy, sweet, witty, clever, understanding, sarcastic, literate, hip.. so tragically hip.. gorgeous, goofy, real. completely real. all of this and so much more.
everything i've ever wanted in someone and then some.
and yet she hasn't decided if i can keep her yet.
:/
guess it'll just take a bit more time.
12 days and counting...
12.25.2005
doh
so..
i went out with Beth last night.
what fun. i swear this was one of the best christmases ever.
i completely <3 her.
I'm not even sure where to begin.. it was completely amazing though.
There is definitely something afoot at the Circle K.
more to follow...
i went out with Beth last night.
what fun. i swear this was one of the best christmases ever.
i completely <3 her.
I'm not even sure where to begin.. it was completely amazing though.
There is definitely something afoot at the Circle K.
more to follow...
12.24.2005
world on fire
So, another week passes in Seoul... and I find myself possibly maybe sorta kinda dating someone. Completely unforeseen. I'm clueless how this happened... but I think I sort of like it.
I guess it all started innocently enough. Emails back and forth.. that progressed to the occasional phone call, but I think it was the IMs that did it. I freaking love talking to this girl. She is clever and brilliant and funny and sarcastic and witty and well. She rocks my socks.
Sure, my socks are somewhat smelly, so it's probably a good thing she rocks them. I'll be sure to shower more than once a week now. I think I wrote about her briefly before. Not sure... nothing in detail, but she was one of the people I wrote about that I had a great time conversing with. Repeatedly. Daily. Multiple times. I so need to buy a computer. Maybe this next paycheck. Either that or when I get my taxes back. I probably won't get much of a refund tho.
:(
I feel good. Strange, but good. I'm pleasantly surprised. This has the makings of a great year. :D
Before I get too tangential.. you have to understand.. this girl is completely amazing. I don't think I've ever found someone who completely 'got it' before. Books, music, movies... everything. It's not so much she likes the same kind of stuff, she likes the SAME stuff. While that isn't absolutely critical in my list of things I like about girls, this makes her infinitely cooler than some pretty faced vacuum filled pin up doll. And as I've told her, she's easy on the eyes. Who knows. This almost seems too good to be true. Like Tia said, she might be a serial killer... who knows. She's already professed to ninja like stealthiness and skills.
Imma gonna have to be on my toes.
:D :D :D
I guess it all started innocently enough. Emails back and forth.. that progressed to the occasional phone call, but I think it was the IMs that did it. I freaking love talking to this girl. She is clever and brilliant and funny and sarcastic and witty and well. She rocks my socks.
Sure, my socks are somewhat smelly, so it's probably a good thing she rocks them. I'll be sure to shower more than once a week now. I think I wrote about her briefly before. Not sure... nothing in detail, but she was one of the people I wrote about that I had a great time conversing with. Repeatedly. Daily. Multiple times. I so need to buy a computer. Maybe this next paycheck. Either that or when I get my taxes back. I probably won't get much of a refund tho.
:(
I feel good. Strange, but good. I'm pleasantly surprised. This has the makings of a great year. :D
Before I get too tangential.. you have to understand.. this girl is completely amazing. I don't think I've ever found someone who completely 'got it' before. Books, music, movies... everything. It's not so much she likes the same kind of stuff, she likes the SAME stuff. While that isn't absolutely critical in my list of things I like about girls, this makes her infinitely cooler than some pretty faced vacuum filled pin up doll. And as I've told her, she's easy on the eyes. Who knows. This almost seems too good to be true. Like Tia said, she might be a serial killer... who knows. She's already professed to ninja like stealthiness and skills.
Imma gonna have to be on my toes.
:D :D :D
12.20.2005
random
ever wonder how sometimes you'll meet people and have absolutely nothing to say to them?
and other times, you meet someone... and end up spending hours talking about absolutely everything?
that's happened twice this week.
fortuitous right?
just when I was lamenting the lack of people to hang out with. Within a week of being in Seoul, I've met TWO! count them, TWO! people who I can totally hang out with.
Life is funny.
The stones are right, can't always get what you want... but ... you get what you need.
conversation is food for the soul.
and i'm feeling nourished tonight.
and other times, you meet someone... and end up spending hours talking about absolutely everything?
that's happened twice this week.
fortuitous right?
just when I was lamenting the lack of people to hang out with. Within a week of being in Seoul, I've met TWO! count them, TWO! people who I can totally hang out with.
Life is funny.
The stones are right, can't always get what you want... but ... you get what you need.
conversation is food for the soul.
and i'm feeling nourished tonight.
12.19.2005
cool beans
so, i have to say i'm a net geek right?
well check out my myspace :(
i'm so geeked out it's not funny..
.....
yeah in the interest of anonymity just ask me if you really want to know this stuff.
ugh!
shoot me now
well check out my myspace :(
i'm so geeked out it's not funny..
.....
yeah in the interest of anonymity just ask me if you really want to know this stuff.
ugh!
shoot me now
12.08.2005
it's the end of the world as we know it...
....and I feel fine.
really.
I'm on day I don't know of my vacation. I just know it ends in a few short days. Two days to be exact. I have to show up to work on friday I guess :(
The worst part is, this vacation was supposed to be a nice stress free break from all the crap I usually have to deal with.
Instead, it just reverted to different crap.
Crap of a different nature.
Fought with the folks. I don't know why they insist on it. I just tend to look at things nonchallantly and well... they don't.
So we're not on speaking terms any longer.
In fact, I think I've been disowned.
Don't write. Don't call. Don't ask for anything.
How rich is that.
Drama straight out of a soap opera.
Anyhow, I miss my family. I guess they never understood that sometimes just being around is enough. Maybe I'll call them next year.
Last time this happened. I didn't talk to my mom and dad for almost two years.
Oh well.
more to follow....
really.
I'm on day I don't know of my vacation. I just know it ends in a few short days. Two days to be exact. I have to show up to work on friday I guess :(
The worst part is, this vacation was supposed to be a nice stress free break from all the crap I usually have to deal with.
Instead, it just reverted to different crap.
Crap of a different nature.
Fought with the folks. I don't know why they insist on it. I just tend to look at things nonchallantly and well... they don't.
So we're not on speaking terms any longer.
In fact, I think I've been disowned.
Don't write. Don't call. Don't ask for anything.
How rich is that.
Drama straight out of a soap opera.
Anyhow, I miss my family. I guess they never understood that sometimes just being around is enough. Maybe I'll call them next year.
Last time this happened. I didn't talk to my mom and dad for almost two years.
Oh well.
more to follow....
11.21.2005
down with it
I've been putzing around here and there.. really not doing much of anything except playing magic online.
http://www.wizards.com
go there and click on magic: the gathering
if you've played it before, it's so much more addictive online than it is in real life.
there's always people playing around the world.
It's almost as fun as axis and allies...
which I meant to bring to the parent's house... but instead i shipped it with my household goods x(
anyhow.
I am trying out the whole cyworld thing... not sure if it's all that great. but hey. all the koreans are doin it!
so seeing as how I'm Koreanish I thought I'd do it to.
http://cyworld.com/ki_ster
check it out. say hi.
more to follow...
http://www.wizards.com
go there and click on magic: the gathering
if you've played it before, it's so much more addictive online than it is in real life.
there's always people playing around the world.
It's almost as fun as axis and allies...
which I meant to bring to the parent's house... but instead i shipped it with my household goods x(
anyhow.
I am trying out the whole cyworld thing... not sure if it's all that great. but hey. all the koreans are doin it!
so seeing as how I'm Koreanish I thought I'd do it to.
http://cyworld.com/ki_ster
check it out. say hi.
more to follow...
11.12.2005
saturday night in seoul
you'd think that after two years in korea I'd have something better to do than write up a weblog post in a pc cafe.
nope.
I suppose i'd have more fun going out and getting drunk or something, but honestly, i have just as much fun mucking around on the net.
it's a lot cheaper too.
but seriously.
besides, i lost my atm card today.
actually, i didn't quite lose it so much as leave it in the ATM machine. I'm going to pay for that when the time comes. i guess it's back to writing checks at the bank.
the thing that sucks is that i'm leaving on monday. flying out of inchon.
tell me how I'm supposed to write checks when i don't even have a drivers license, since i lost that too :x
i swear, i don't ever lose my wallet, but i sure do have an amazing capacity for losing everything INSIDE it.
grrrr.
oh well. i'll figure out something to do.
:D
more to follow.
nope.
I suppose i'd have more fun going out and getting drunk or something, but honestly, i have just as much fun mucking around on the net.
it's a lot cheaper too.
but seriously.
besides, i lost my atm card today.
actually, i didn't quite lose it so much as leave it in the ATM machine. I'm going to pay for that when the time comes. i guess it's back to writing checks at the bank.
the thing that sucks is that i'm leaving on monday. flying out of inchon.
tell me how I'm supposed to write checks when i don't even have a drivers license, since i lost that too :x
i swear, i don't ever lose my wallet, but i sure do have an amazing capacity for losing everything INSIDE it.
grrrr.
oh well. i'll figure out something to do.
:D
more to follow.
11.02.2005
woowoowoowooowoo
heh.
So..... I'm almost out of here.
This abysmal miasma of ptooey... all that is evil about the army is here.
and finally, after almost two years... I am nearly free.
Of course, I'm moving just a mere 20 clicks south to Seoul, but HEY! It's the land of milk and honey for me.
I am not sure how to impress upon you all what a relief this is.
Imagine. Being trapped in Junior High After School Detention for two years... not able to go anywhere by yourself, curfew every night, no room to breath, no place for solitude or privacy. Multiply that by a gazillion and that's 2 ID.
I'm pretty much done clearing... only thing left is showing my ID card and dog tags to the 1SG and turning in my room key. After that, I am OUTTA HERE.
-Calvin and Hobbes dance-
Hopefully, I will get my own machine once I am down in Seoul and I'll be able to log more often. Of course, by that time I'll be happier and have nothing to gripe about. How boring is that?
:D
more to follow...
So..... I'm almost out of here.
This abysmal miasma of ptooey... all that is evil about the army is here.
and finally, after almost two years... I am nearly free.
Of course, I'm moving just a mere 20 clicks south to Seoul, but HEY! It's the land of milk and honey for me.
I am not sure how to impress upon you all what a relief this is.
Imagine. Being trapped in Junior High After School Detention for two years... not able to go anywhere by yourself, curfew every night, no room to breath, no place for solitude or privacy. Multiply that by a gazillion and that's 2 ID.
I'm pretty much done clearing... only thing left is showing my ID card and dog tags to the 1SG and turning in my room key. After that, I am OUTTA HERE.
-Calvin and Hobbes dance-
Hopefully, I will get my own machine once I am down in Seoul and I'll be able to log more often. Of course, by that time I'll be happier and have nothing to gripe about. How boring is that?
:D
more to follow...
10.25.2005
working it
I'm going to try and write more frequently... but seriously. it really is hard when you don't have a personal computer and your own net connection. I must have fallen on dark times. I remember a time when I would bite my arm off if I couldn't get on the net. Back in the day.
I am a computerphile with no computer.
It's like being a football fan without access to a TV.
woe is me.
I decided today that karma is a bitch.
I can't really expound on it, but I wonder at times exactly what possesses people to do the things they do. Not only that, but how it is certain people can do whatever the heck they want regardless of the consequences and get away with it, while others do the right thing 9 times out of 10 and get hammered after straying just the once. Or rather when being caught. It's the age old thing of 'why do bad things happen to good people' or 'how come assholes get the nice girls' or 'why am I stuck in this cesspool of mediocrity instead of succeeding in life'
Sometimes it just feels like the shit hits the fan more frequently for me than it should. I think I need some scotch guarding or some teflon coating.
In the mean time, I shall persevere with the forebearance of my friend(s) and keep on trucking (or something)
Life's a garden, dig it.
nyuk nyuk.
I'll have to take some time out to tell you about my friend Big D. I would call him by his name, but he saw it earlier and was sorta preturbed that our shenanigans are being recounted here and thus traceable to him. Albeit not much of our shenanigans are really detrimental to life, limb or reputation. Anyhow. D is awesome. I can't count the number of times I was just wallowing in self pity or some derivation of the blues, where he would just look at me, make a cry baby noise and basically tell me to stfu and get over it, without ever saying those words. Gonna miss the big lug when I leave here. Of course I'll probably reduce my alcohol intake once we stop hanging out every day. muahaha.
Friends, can never have too many good ones. If it came down to it, could you honestly take a bullet for your friends? I think I would for D. Really can't say that for too many of them.
Perspective is an interesting beast. I find myself learning little bits here and there that my perspective isn't the end all be all of everything. It's like finding out Santa doesn't really come on christmas. Money doesn't grow on trees. TV isn't real. etc. I should have known this the whole time, but come on... if you don't believe you're right.. then what do you honestly believe in?
At least I know I'm right most of the time. or at the least, I won't open my mouth unless I know I'm right. ... and I open my mouth a lot :D
Geesh, I'm full of it.
Anyhow.
enough for now.
Hello World, how are you today?
I am a computerphile with no computer.
It's like being a football fan without access to a TV.
woe is me.
I decided today that karma is a bitch.
I can't really expound on it, but I wonder at times exactly what possesses people to do the things they do. Not only that, but how it is certain people can do whatever the heck they want regardless of the consequences and get away with it, while others do the right thing 9 times out of 10 and get hammered after straying just the once. Or rather when being caught. It's the age old thing of 'why do bad things happen to good people' or 'how come assholes get the nice girls' or 'why am I stuck in this cesspool of mediocrity instead of succeeding in life'
Sometimes it just feels like the shit hits the fan more frequently for me than it should. I think I need some scotch guarding or some teflon coating.
In the mean time, I shall persevere with the forebearance of my friend(s) and keep on trucking (or something)
Life's a garden, dig it.
nyuk nyuk.
I'll have to take some time out to tell you about my friend Big D. I would call him by his name, but he saw it earlier and was sorta preturbed that our shenanigans are being recounted here and thus traceable to him. Albeit not much of our shenanigans are really detrimental to life, limb or reputation. Anyhow. D is awesome. I can't count the number of times I was just wallowing in self pity or some derivation of the blues, where he would just look at me, make a cry baby noise and basically tell me to stfu and get over it, without ever saying those words. Gonna miss the big lug when I leave here. Of course I'll probably reduce my alcohol intake once we stop hanging out every day. muahaha.
Friends, can never have too many good ones. If it came down to it, could you honestly take a bullet for your friends? I think I would for D. Really can't say that for too many of them.
Perspective is an interesting beast. I find myself learning little bits here and there that my perspective isn't the end all be all of everything. It's like finding out Santa doesn't really come on christmas. Money doesn't grow on trees. TV isn't real. etc. I should have known this the whole time, but come on... if you don't believe you're right.. then what do you honestly believe in?
At least I know I'm right most of the time. or at the least, I won't open my mouth unless I know I'm right. ... and I open my mouth a lot :D
Geesh, I'm full of it.
Anyhow.
enough for now.
Hello World, how are you today?
10.15.2005
ugh
Last night was one of those nights where you vow to never again allow yourself to taste a drop of alcohol.
I imbibed too much.
Honestly, I don't even quite remember HOW much I drank. I just know I drank too much. There was no vomiting involved, but geesh. I swear I should have been passed out on the ground. I spent way too much money too.
What is the deal here? I wonder if I should just limit myself to Ice Tea and Coke.
Big D got a lot tipsy too. Heh.
Met two really cool girls last night. Randomly of course. It was one of those typical boy meets girl, boy buys girl drinks, boy and girl go out doing goofy korean things like kicking the soccer ball machine and punching bag, boy and girl go do karaoke, boy sends girl home in cab, boy wonders why he let girl go home. bleh.
girl makes boy promise to call her. what the feh.
I have too much stuff to do... so instead I go out wasting money and having a grand ol time.
figures.
more to follow.
I imbibed too much.
Honestly, I don't even quite remember HOW much I drank. I just know I drank too much. There was no vomiting involved, but geesh. I swear I should have been passed out on the ground. I spent way too much money too.
What is the deal here? I wonder if I should just limit myself to Ice Tea and Coke.
Big D got a lot tipsy too. Heh.
Met two really cool girls last night. Randomly of course. It was one of those typical boy meets girl, boy buys girl drinks, boy and girl go out doing goofy korean things like kicking the soccer ball machine and punching bag, boy and girl go do karaoke, boy sends girl home in cab, boy wonders why he let girl go home. bleh.
girl makes boy promise to call her. what the feh.
I have too much stuff to do... so instead I go out wasting money and having a grand ol time.
figures.
more to follow.
10.06.2005
lack of inspiration != rockage
i'm tired today.
wondering how sometimes you can be exhausted and wired and bouncing off the walls...
and other times it's just completely draining.
i'm uninspired as well.
not sure i really want to write about anything today.
i wish i was on leave right now.
wondering how sometimes you can be exhausted and wired and bouncing off the walls...
and other times it's just completely draining.
i'm uninspired as well.
not sure i really want to write about anything today.
i wish i was on leave right now.
10.05.2005
Something strange lurks ahead.
So.
Last night I went out for a bit to vent my frustrations at the impending political mess in our office that's essentially taking one of the coolest captains ever out of our section into a different staff slot. Completely incomprehensible.
It's a big ol mess.
Anyhow, I got home and started randomly calling people. Since I'm in Korea, at 2 am I figured someone in Texas might be awake (hehe). Well, I ended up calling my buddy Jason, but his wife Elaina picked up the phone. Which is cool cause she's fun to talk to. I call her the frump queen. I offered to buy her a new bathrobe to replace the hideous maroon/lavender I got her like 6 years ago for Christmas (or was it her birthday?). Alas, they have matching new ones now.
I will have to sort out all the stuff floating around in my head and write it down later. Too frazzled right now.
Plus I have to hit the latrine. :D
Last night I went out for a bit to vent my frustrations at the impending political mess in our office that's essentially taking one of the coolest captains ever out of our section into a different staff slot. Completely incomprehensible.
It's a big ol mess.
Anyhow, I got home and started randomly calling people. Since I'm in Korea, at 2 am I figured someone in Texas might be awake (hehe). Well, I ended up calling my buddy Jason, but his wife Elaina picked up the phone. Which is cool cause she's fun to talk to. I call her the frump queen. I offered to buy her a new bathrobe to replace the hideous maroon/lavender I got her like 6 years ago for Christmas (or was it her birthday?). Alas, they have matching new ones now.
I will have to sort out all the stuff floating around in my head and write it down later. Too frazzled right now.
Plus I have to hit the latrine. :D
bah
Why oh why must my first comment be from a spammer?
Hardly the auspicious beginning I'd imagined.
~
I suppose this could just go in the commentary portion.
Hmm.
Oh, Soapbox time.
SPAMMERS MUST DIE.
Bandwidth sucking, server crashing, inbox polluting losers.
I hate spammers. I don't care if I could get a hundred dollar coupon to Starbucks, a bigger 'member' or a brand new laptop from Dell. I do mind getting finger cramps from deleting spam mails. Grr.
Hardly the auspicious beginning I'd imagined.
~
I suppose this could just go in the commentary portion.
Hmm.
Oh, Soapbox time.
SPAMMERS MUST DIE.
Bandwidth sucking, server crashing, inbox polluting losers.
I hate spammers. I don't care if I could get a hundred dollar coupon to Starbucks, a bigger 'member' or a brand new laptop from Dell. I do mind getting finger cramps from deleting spam mails. Grr.
10.04.2005
So. With many hours looming ahead, I wondered if starting a blog would stave off boredom and otherwise occupy me. Blogs are funny beasts. There's a plethora of them these days. I always wondered how it is that people would run across a blog in the first place. The ironic thing is a lot of blogs are turning into these semi-pretentious mutual appreciation societies.. all linking to each other, patting each other on the back for clever turns of phrase or pedantic observations of one sort or another. Speaking of which, I wonder who will link to me and tell me I'm right on.
-snicker-
So, when did the net get turned into a 'Real World'esque reality netvee crapvehicle? It's bad enough that TV got turned into an abysmal mess of trash with nothing to offer except an avoidance mechanism for real life... but the net is turning into this pop culture black hole devoid of any real substance...
...this blog is probably no exception.
I suppose the net has always been an escape. Games, chatting and websites galore of useless crap. But it seems like with the advent of AOL and its ilk, the average user of today is an ignorant tard compared to the user of 1993 when the net was mostly the demesne of collegiate nerd types hellbent on exploring this newfound information shmorgasborg. God I miss those days.
It seems there are three main type of blogs.
1) Vanity blogs. Self indulgent, my life sucks, blah blah blah crap. completely useless, but sometimes amusing. Internet diaries.
2) Political blogs. These are more interesting at times but oft annoying due to the 'I'm right, you're full of shit ' modus operandi so prevalent with internet politicos. It's so easy to hide behind a keyboard.... -snicker-
3) Theme blogs. Exactly like it sounds. I don't think I need to explain this one.
I was trying to sort out in my mind exactly what kind of blog mine was going to end up being. Then I realized, I'd probably annoy myself reading over all the self important blathering I was posting here. So. No agenda.
Just pure and simple mindless babble. I need a release. Ergo. Voila. Eureka! etc.
This blog.
What's funny is when I forget exactly what my username or blog title is. I seriously wonder if anyone else will read this.
Personal stuff.
I told someone I was interested in them today. Then I realized after I'd sobered up that I had told two other girls in the past week that I was interested in dating them. One was an ex, another was a girl I'd been on a date on and the third was someone I'm having dinner with Thursday, the fourth was someone way too young and way too conservative to have any semblance of a carefree relationship with .... wait a second that's definitely more than two... what is going on.
So. I guess it's dating via the shotgun effect. You pump out a wide dispersal pattern and hope it hits someone. Pathetic.
Crazy thing is, I do like all these girls. Each is attractive in their own way. I can't say it's purely physical with any of them because well... I haven't been physical with any of them.. except the ex. but that's a long story.
Funny story though. My buddy told me dating her again would be opening up a can of worms... but really I couldn't for the life of me remember why we'd stop dating in the first place. Then I remembered. She dropped the L bomb in the first month... what kind of insanity is that? I got shivers and the insta-cold shoulder. Gave that is. I felt bad, but how do you reciprocate?
I don't know what to do. Doesn't matter anyhow, I'm leaving this joint in 40 days. PS. Don't ever move anywhere north of Seoul proper. It's just a matter before you implode. I mean implode, not explode. The weight on your shoulders get heavier day by day, where eventually you shrink into a teeny event horizon with no chance of escaping the binds of this world o crap. Did I mention I was stationed at 2ID? Faux hurrahs and false pride. And at the same time. I'm going to miss this place. It's been home for almost two years. I probably wouldn't have appreciated Korea as much as I do if it hadn't been so horrible at this unit. This place essentially FORCED me to go off post because existence is such an endeavor in futility here. In order to breath some soul back into yourself you had to leave the confines of the gates after a day of drudgery and well for lack of a better word. Crap.
Anyhow. I have more thoughts for you later.
This should be good for now. Enough ranting.
-snicker-
So, when did the net get turned into a 'Real World'esque reality netvee crapvehicle? It's bad enough that TV got turned into an abysmal mess of trash with nothing to offer except an avoidance mechanism for real life... but the net is turning into this pop culture black hole devoid of any real substance...
...this blog is probably no exception.
I suppose the net has always been an escape. Games, chatting and websites galore of useless crap. But it seems like with the advent of AOL and its ilk, the average user of today is an ignorant tard compared to the user of 1993 when the net was mostly the demesne of collegiate nerd types hellbent on exploring this newfound information shmorgasborg. God I miss those days.
It seems there are three main type of blogs.
1) Vanity blogs. Self indulgent, my life sucks, blah blah blah crap. completely useless, but sometimes amusing. Internet diaries.
2) Political blogs. These are more interesting at times but oft annoying due to the 'I'm right, you're full of shit ' modus operandi so prevalent with internet politicos. It's so easy to hide behind a keyboard.... -snicker-
3) Theme blogs. Exactly like it sounds. I don't think I need to explain this one.
I was trying to sort out in my mind exactly what kind of blog mine was going to end up being. Then I realized, I'd probably annoy myself reading over all the self important blathering I was posting here. So. No agenda.
Just pure and simple mindless babble. I need a release. Ergo. Voila. Eureka! etc.
This blog.
What's funny is when I forget exactly what my username or blog title is. I seriously wonder if anyone else will read this.
Personal stuff.
I told someone I was interested in them today. Then I realized after I'd sobered up that I had told two other girls in the past week that I was interested in dating them. One was an ex, another was a girl I'd been on a date on and the third was someone I'm having dinner with Thursday, the fourth was someone way too young and way too conservative to have any semblance of a carefree relationship with .... wait a second that's definitely more than two... what is going on.
So. I guess it's dating via the shotgun effect. You pump out a wide dispersal pattern and hope it hits someone. Pathetic.
Crazy thing is, I do like all these girls. Each is attractive in their own way. I can't say it's purely physical with any of them because well... I haven't been physical with any of them.. except the ex. but that's a long story.
Funny story though. My buddy told me dating her again would be opening up a can of worms... but really I couldn't for the life of me remember why we'd stop dating in the first place. Then I remembered. She dropped the L bomb in the first month... what kind of insanity is that? I got shivers and the insta-cold shoulder. Gave that is. I felt bad, but how do you reciprocate?
I don't know what to do. Doesn't matter anyhow, I'm leaving this joint in 40 days. PS. Don't ever move anywhere north of Seoul proper. It's just a matter before you implode. I mean implode, not explode. The weight on your shoulders get heavier day by day, where eventually you shrink into a teeny event horizon with no chance of escaping the binds of this world o crap. Did I mention I was stationed at 2ID? Faux hurrahs and false pride. And at the same time. I'm going to miss this place. It's been home for almost two years. I probably wouldn't have appreciated Korea as much as I do if it hadn't been so horrible at this unit. This place essentially FORCED me to go off post because existence is such an endeavor in futility here. In order to breath some soul back into yourself you had to leave the confines of the gates after a day of drudgery and well for lack of a better word. Crap.
Anyhow. I have more thoughts for you later.
This should be good for now. Enough ranting.
Insomnia owns me
Unbelievable.
I've been up for over 40 hours and I can't sleep now.
Grr.
So what do I do? I leave my room, go eat some piping hot 留����援� and continue the insanity that is insomnia.
My head hurts. Ugh.
I've been up for over 40 hours and I can't sleep now.
Grr.
So what do I do? I leave my room, go eat some piping hot 留����援� and continue the insanity that is insomnia.
My head hurts. Ugh.
10.03.2005
who me goth?
You could be anyone by day, when the only thing that could give you away is the occasional band shirt and all the EBM in your cd collection. You probably have a day job, have alot of other interests besides goth, or are just too lazy to dress up for anything besides a club night. I bet you love 80's music.
What kind of goth are you?
Created by ptocheia
I had to laugh... but how did they know i liked 80's music o_O
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